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clansayeed · 4 years ago

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coming next year on choices: stories you play*... *except not really because this is a joke post; satire; making fun of the dumb stuff they keep doing

*~The Royal Education~*

MC is the crown princess of Cordonia; imported from TRR and TRH but the plot doesn’t really make sense if her father isn’t Liam but oh well Maxwell will make a quip so it’s all okay

who because of some wacky wild law or ancient tradition has to attend her mother's New York High School in order to fully ascend to the crown. she’s beautiful and full figured despite being a freshman and can wear whatever she wants -- and what she wants to wear is a mini skirt and a cut off sweater that shows off her royal shoulders -- but the school has to deal with it because APPLES or something

but the girl everybody knows and loathes, who has been the most popular since day care and is the head cheerleader, and whose daddy invented toaster strudel, doesn't want the competition for Homecoming queen!! you probably didn’t even want to sign up!! but she dumped her oddly healthy and bougie high school tray lunch on your head in front of Boy 1 and Boy 2 so ITS ON. don’t worry, your friends will help, since they each have an oddly unique and necessary hobby that will help you win votes

"You're already getting a real crown! This one is mine!" Bad GirlTM whines the night of the dance, then she keeps you from the dance by stabbing MCs hand with the heel of her shoe because Bastien wasn't paying attention and because she’ll do anything to win

but don’t worry, you can flirt with her through the whole book and if you buy a premium scene at the end to confront her in the locker room shower, your eyes can roam up and down her soft body and curves and you can feel your cheeks flush as you learn she has a really sad home life as an only child despite being white and rich so everything is totally forgiven with a hug even though you’re both technically naked??

live like a real high schooler!

join the cheerleading squad! even though your friends are in other activities. you’re a princess. you have to join the cheerleading squad. buy your uniform for only 25 diamonds, and impress that special someone with a hair scrunchie in theme for only 18 diamonds

hang out at the mall like a real teen! just ignore the mobs of press, Bastien probably just went for a coffee he’ll be back soon

give your new inner-city school a Cordonian apple tree. they’ll find somewhere to put it its fine

customize your locker! buy the locker right next to your crush! or just keep the one next to the janitor’s closet that’s fine too. throughout the book you’ll be able to make your locker look glam -- with matching apple binders and pens, a locker door mirror, some fun corgi stickers, and don’t forget your signed copy of The Royal Romance by Maxwell Beaumont

and don’t forget to grab a quick java boost with your LI on your way to school. you won’t be late, your sleek vespa will get you there just in time for the bell. you might even get to feel his desire against your back. wait what? you chose the woman? oh shit. uh... just pretend her desire is her bouncing beautiful bosom that’s still on your back

featuring...

- the violent red-head best friend, an obvious Olivia parallel but she’s from New York so it’s not the same thing and totally okay. did I mention she loves winter and has always wanted to vacation in Lythikos?

- the cute comedic relief guy in all his gay-coded glory, but if you don’t have an official LI at the dance you can dance with him and its all fine

- the nerdy WOC, who can’t be asian because here at pixelberry we defy stereotypes like that, and who has never so much as seen a weed because doing calculus and planning for college is much more important. this is why she’s never around for you to romance, even though she’s the only woman LI. she’s always studying for college

- Barty, who didn’t want to go there in the first place but somehow got forced along, and is literally just an aged-down Bertrand sprite

- Boy 1, a wealthy popular kid who was dating the rival homecoming queen until this year when he dumped her to “find himself” in his music and ended up finding you instead. he doesn’t want to date you because “you come with drama” but what he really means is “you make him horny”

- and Boy 2, who just moved to NY too so you have a lot in common being outsiders and all, even though he grew up on a farm in Texas and compares everything to pig-wrestling and only ever wears flannel until the dance when he can suddenly afford Gucci suits... even though there was an 8 episode story arc about his family’s financial struggles

- with a special mention to your gender-customized homeroom teacher, who is always driving you home and tutoring you in your worst subject. and there’s a forum rumor that in book 3 when you turn 18 and graduate you can confess your love to them and screw on your old school desk

Will you... take it to the next level at the dance? Because for just 30 diamonds (well... those and the 20 diamond scenes you’ve been pretty much guilted into buying because if you don’t your LI fails high school or something) you guys can screw under the gym bleachers... in the middle of the dance!!

Find love. Find friends. Find your English homework before one of your fifty (50) CORGIS eats it and the teacher won’t believe you!

*(sorry, even if you get all the timed choices right it happens anyway)

But most of all... find yourself... in every apple-themed wardrobe piece you own.

coming to your app next year! and by that we mean january, because we need to milk this for all its worth

and be sure to check back soon for more book updates, like Hero 2 for VIP, the Home for the Holidays Halloween special, and our super secret mystery book that we still haven’t released yet!! yay!!

#playchoices #choices stories you play #the royal romance #the royal heir #choices trr #; satire #; discourse #re: the royal romance #;; this is pure satire y'all but i don't care roast me #;; something about this last MTFL update made me snap even though I didn't even play it #;; and I just... had to get this out somehow?

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1d-fics · 5 years ago

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What I’m Reading: January

Re-Reads:

1. Another Day Gettin’ Into Trouble (whoknows) - Harry’s drunk when the idea occurs to him. He’s also a pop star, so sometimes his drunk ideas turn into actual things instead of just ideas. The clone-a-willy kit is one of them.

2. Autumn At My Window (thecellardoor) - Harry and Louis are both in the band and have been sharing flats and hotel rooms for nearly five years, but never made the leap past ‘friends who are too close for comfort’.

3. Peaches and Cream (seducedbycurls) - The study was to see if two strangers could live together for a month and fall in love.

New Reads:

1. Under the Moonlight (we_are_the_same) - Harry and Louis have been friends online for years. They’ve never met despite living only a few hours from one another. One fateful summer a silly little lie, a family vacation and an accidental meet up lead to a week of fake dating on Mallorca. All in all, a holiday Louis won’t easily forget.

2. The Morning After the Night Before (ladylondonderry) - Harry and Louis have more or less grown up together, even now as adults it’s tradition for their families to spend a few weeks in the summer at a beach house together. Problem one: Louis has been in love with Harry forever. Problem two: It won’t stop raining.

3. Steal My Breath (harryskiwiposes) - Harry keeps coming up with excuses to visit the emergency room, all for an attractive nurse named Louis.

4. Say It With Flowers (reminiscingintherain) - Harry owns a flower shop and Louis comes storming in one day, slaps 20 bucks on the counter and says, “How do I passive-aggressively say fuck you in flower?”

5. ‘Sup (mediawhore) - Gemma really wants her little brother to sign up for a dating app and get back in the game after a messy divorce. Harry thinks he’s way too old to swipe. They compromise to devastatingly embarrassing results.

6. Floating (snowy38) - There’s places that you can go to get help. The doctor’s, psychiatrists, psychologists and all that run in between. And then there’s places that fall on the edge of those recognized institutions. That’s the kind of place Louis Tomlinson needs. It’s the kind of place he has found. And so he goes.

7. Heart on an Open Highway (afirethatcannotdie) - Harry’s a popstar about to release his second album, and Louis is the Radio 1 intern who gets his heart racing.

8. Ain’t No Tellin’ Who’s In Charge Here (whoknows) - The thing about Louis and Harry’s dynamic is that while Louis is the instigator of 99% of the foolishness, Harry will always come back at him with something ten times dirtier than whatever Louis had though up. It’s a vicious cycle that continues until one of them makes a plea for truce.

9. Delicate (fallinglikethis) - They say opposites attract. Maybe that’s why nerdy, shy Harry Styles has such a huge crush on rough, brash Louis Tomlinson. And now, he’s stuck in a lift with him.

10. I Get To Love You (lovelarry10) - A one night stand leaves Harry with a permanent reminder of the night he spent with a stranger. A baby is on the way, and Louis and Harry have nine months to get to know each other before they become a family.

11. Focal Point (rainbowsandgucci) - By the time you read this, I’ll be gone, so don’t bother looking. Last night was lovely, sorry to run. P.S. Thanks for the money.

12. Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night (haroldslouis) - Harry is a bank robber and Louis falls in love with him.

13. Come In And Change My Life (lightswoodmagic (sarah_writes)) - Harry and Louis become friends when Harry looks after Louis’ cat during away games, until one night at a party changes everything between them. It’s just a shame that Louis’ going to be away for the FIFA World Cup for three months.

14. Give A Chance (hattalove) - Louis starts a dead-end job with every intention of quitting as soon as possible. He ends up getting rather more than he’d bargained for.

15. Family Of Penguins (Not Literally) (miamistyles) - Louis and Harry have a son together but Harry is only just finding this out.

16. Candy Cane Eyes (larryent) - It’s the Christmas season in New York City. There are far too many mistletoes hanging in Harry’s apartment building and there is a pair of mischievous candy cane blue eyes who is responsible.

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precuredaily · 5 years ago

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Precure Day 170

Episode: Yes! Precure 5 22 - “Milk Runs Away and Causes Mass Chaos!” Date watched: 7 January 2020 Original air date: 8 July 2007 Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/Em3LtfV Transformation Gallery: https://imgur.com/a/6k6SzS0 Project info and master list of posts: http://tinyurl.com/PCDabout

and a bitch

I guess I can’t keep harping on Milk forever. She found herself alone in a hostile world not built for her, had to survive by whatever means necessary, and when she finally finds the people that it’s her responsibility to help, she can’t do anything for them. She has a superiority complex that is extremely at odds with her capacity to actually be useful, so she lashes out at others instead. Where does this get her? Let’s find out.

The Plot

Milk tries to help at Natts House as they prepare for a big sale, but only gets in the way of the others, so she tries to put herself on sale. However, Coco and Nuts explain that her plan to sell herself, sneak back, and sell herself again repeatedly is fraud and they will not allow it, so she feels sad and helpless.

this is the sad climb, use it for sad times

Meanwhile Arachnea is feeling the pressure when her quarterly bonus turns out to be zero, so she stops by Natts House just in time to see Milk run away. She follows Milk for a few blocks and then kidnaps her, and the gang follows them to an aquarium. Arachnea uses an enchanted jellyfish to hold Milk hostage and electrocute her while she turns another jellyfish into a Kowaina and demands the Dream Collet in exchange for Milk.

The girls respond that they’re getting Milk back, and she’s not getting the collet, before they transform. Arachnea points out that Milk ran away of her own volition because she thinks the girls hate her, and they respond that they don't; while sometimes you have to be stern with your friends, it’s in her best interest, and they still consider her a valuable companion. Arachnea doubles down on her threat by dangling Milk over a tank of piranhas.

as one does

The Kowaina captures the girls in its tentacles, but they manage to free Lemonade, who frees the rest of them, and they rescue Milk before destroying the monster, and Arachnea flees without either the fairy OR the Dream Collet. The girls assure Milk again that they value her and all return to the shop.

A few days later, in the aftermath of the sale, Coco and Nuts tell the girls how Milk has been more amenable since then, and she apologizes for making them worry. Komachi shows up with a copy of the Cinq Lumieres Times, where Mika has written a piece complimenting Milk, who she believed was a stuffed animal. Milk takes the compliment to heart and returns to her boastful self, claiming to be much more refined than Nozomi, that they are as different as Heaven and Hell. The other girls are surprised to hear her use that phrase, and it turns out she is actually very studious and approximately the same relative age as them. The episode closes with Milk taunting Nozomi while being chased around the shop.

The Analysis

If you remember in episode 11, where I observed that Nozomi was exhibiting ADHD symptoms, I think we might have another sincere portrayal of mental illness in Milk. She seems to be displaying traits of a superiority complex. She sees herself as better than all of the girls, and her responsibility is solely to Coco and Nuts. However, the reality of her small body and inability to assume human form (yet) are at odds with this and clash with her vision of herself, creating feelings of inferiority. If this sounds contradictory, all I can say is that there are different interpretations of what a superiority complex is, and that I’m not a doctor. The point is, her high opinion of herself contrasts with her actual capacity for help and results in her feeling useless and unwanted. Even after she’s rescued, she seems to still be shaken by the experience, and is all around quieter and less enthusiastic than normal. However, a quick confidence boost is the perfect thing to snap her back to her usual self.

Milk’s struggle to find a purpose in a world that isn’t made for her is actually very fascinating. Despite her normally forceful demeanor, we see her vulnerable side as well. Since she’s small, ordinary things like birds and dogs seem frightening to her, and you can sympathize with her. Combined with the revelation at the end of the episode that she’s equivalent to Nozomi’s age, you start to realize that she’s really just a child putting on a strong front. She has thus far survived by exploiting people’s sympathy, and it seems to be her only useful skill. She pretends to be a stuffed animal, steals the person’s food that picks her up, and then finds her next victim. She plans to use this strategy again in order to bring in money for the shop. It’s mean, but it’s also the only thing she feels she can do to help out since she can’t mop, can’t move furniture, can’t be a salesperson, etc. Coco and Nuts also don’t really need any caretaking, they’re very self-sufficient. She implied in the previous episode that she could cook, so maybe there’s that, but I don’t believe she ever gets the chance to demonstrate this. Effectively, the only thing she can do for the shop is to serve as a mascot and attract customers with her cuteness, which is what Mika does and how she writes about her in the paper. Of course, being treated as an object of desire pys right back into Milk’s ego, but it doesn’t mean she’s not good at it regardless. Although I don’t believe it ever happens again, she just stays out of the way when there’s business to be done.

Over in Nightmare we begin to see some real consequences. Sure, Bunbee has complained about budget cuts before and there’s always someone griping, but this time we actually see a direct result of their failure to get the Dream Collet, in the form of no pay for Arachnea OR Bunbee. The rest of the season will continue to explore the ramifications of their ongoing failure, and in fact the very next episode will showcase Girinma being given his final chance to succeed. Nightmare hasn’t been as cliche evil as the Dusk Zone or Dark Fall were, and their goal is even more vaguely defined, but their consequences seem to carry more weight. In the FW shows, villains either recurred every episode until they were destroyed, or they rotated, but either way their individual losses didn’t seem to matter much to the top brass. Splash Star came close, but every time a villain was given their final chance, they wound up being destroyed by the Precures in that episode anyway. Here, we’re beginning to see some actual feedback, and I enjoy that.

The battle in the aquarium - both the physical fight and the clash of words - was really good on all fronts. Arachnea was right that Milk ran away of her own volition, suggesting she didn’t want to be around the team, and they had no right to demand her return. However, the girls give a really great speech in return: they explain that Coco had to be stern with her for a reason, because that’s what friends do sometimes, and that he and Nuts were still overjoyed that she found them. Komachi and Karen declare her a true friend to them. It’s a great exchange of ideals. Physically, there’s a lot of moving around and they make good use of the environment. I especially like the part where the Kowaina traps all the girls in its tentacles, so Dream wriggles around until she can dive into Lemonade, giving her enough room to escape and use Lemonade Splash on the monster to cause it to release its grip on them. Then Aqua tricks Arachnea into latching webs onto her so she can distract the villain while Rouge rescues Milk from her precarious perch:

Changing gears and winding this thing down, I want to say a quick bit about how Milk literally moves around through the world. As seen in the gif higher up, her ears are prehensile, so she can use them like arms to pick herself up and navigate obstacles such as stairs. Coco and Nuts tend to just jump but she lifts herself. It’s clever.

All told this was a very strong episode about Milk struggling to find a place and a role for herself, and the girls coming to appreciate her presence in their lives. It lays the foundation for a lot of Milk’s character growth in the 20s and 30s, as well as teasing just how badly Nightmare’s agents are doing, which will play into the next episode. 23 and 24 are a two-parter, the mid-season climax, and some of the best episodes of the whole show. To that end I’ll be posting the reviews of them back to back, even if it means delaying them a bit. Considering I have been sitting on this review for the better part of a month, that may not mean much, but regardless, look forward to some DESPAIR next time!

Pink Precure Catchphrase Count: 0 kettei!

#Precure #Pretty Cure #Yes! Precure 5 #YPC522 #PCD170

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det395 · 5 years ago

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fic breakdown, March 2020

okay, this might be weird or just a huge humblebrag and Ill own that, but I rlly like hearing ppl talk about their fics n I've been proud of how I've pushed outside of my writing comfort zone in the last half of march. I've definitely been one of those people looking for a distraction during this time and writing fic was that for me, so I wanted to ramble about it!

id love to see other people do this about any of their fics!

Jigsaw Falling into Place (3.4k), 03/19/20

so I fell in love with my same-sex best friend in highschool, what a cliche. and ill relate to dan right now, it was love but it wasn’t happy love. I've been thinking about basing a fic on the experience since literally 2017 but it always felt a bit hard. then, suddenly it just came out of me! and after all this time, it was still cathartic. despite the changes I made to fit dnp, it’s freakily autobiographical lol. the title is a Radiohead song which always reminded me of her, just that feeling of missing out on someone and not being brave enough to stop them as they’re leaving. i don't write many angsty fics, so i’m really proud of the sense of dread that I think is instilled into this writing

Dreams Tonight (1.1k), 03/20/20

a timestamp from antisocialites watch a wilting flower! maybe it’s not the best, but that fic is my pride and joy. most popular and also longest thing I've ever written @ 70k, and writing it was a beautiful experience, nothing has ever flowed out of me quite like this one and I love how i handled the complicated relationships. i always wanted to fill in that time between the last 2 chapters but it was hard to capture the giddy feelings, so I added some wine and I think this is really cute. in hindsight, I do wish I put in more dog action, though.

it’s sometimes hard for me to write cheesy things, when I spiral about following stereotypes about fanfiction, something that has been a big source of shame for me before, but honestly, i love it. the title is from the song which has the lyric ‘antisocialites watch a wilting flower’, from the album I listened to obsessively as I wrote this. very nostalgic now. definitely a time where i jump through hoops to connect my favourite songs to a story sgdhf

Love that I give (1.6k), 03/26/20

I also sometimes feel shame around writing smut, and it often makes me question my sexuality and spiral a bit. I'm trying to get past that because i think it’s super fun. this took me a looooong time to edit this fic to something i liked, but i think it was worth it! like i said, there’s worse things in the world than posting mediocre smut lmao. i like that i managed to place in a more emotional trope into the background of the shameless smut without making it angsty! based on DHL by Frank Ocean just because i began listening to it on repeat lol. yes all of my titles are just songs

Make Me Feel: part 3 (5.7k), 03/31/20

i began this fic in January of 2019 lmao. i started it when i was in a pretty confusing poly/open relationship, and now i am single, but i still feel like my perspective has grown so much and shaped the ending in the best way. i feel guilty for having such a long break in a WIP, but im so glad i got to write the ending now. i honestly don't even remember what i planned the ending to be in the beginning, but i like where it went. i only just posted so i haven’t gotten feedback so i hope everything i wanted to portray about love and communication and feelings shines through. im glad that i discussed both a sexy side and an emotional side to polyamory, i hope it shows the dimensions to poly relationship and neither follows tropes nor intentionally refuses them. I'm also proud that i got to write some more ~steamy things~ (esp one scene in the 3rd chapter which i love) and think about my relationship to sex and whatnot. title by Janelle monae, obvs lol.

here's the breakdown for the last half of march, when i was quarantined (date --> title --> starting word count --> ending word count --> word count/day/fic) (orange being WIP, green being posted, and purple being school essays I've handed in) courtesy of @jestbee’s wordcount tracker

I wrote 18297 words in total this month which is the first time I've reached (and surpassed) my monthly writing goal this year. on average, I wrote over 1000 words a day for the last 16 days, ranging from 93-2099 words/day

I was hoping to write a cathartic quarantined together fic this month too but I began to have a lot of doubts about it and I restarted it so maybe sometime soon it’ll be released lol

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mashtonasfuck · 5 years ago

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I was at work when Ash posted this, and came out of work to see the notif and then proceeded to sit in my car sobbing for 20 minutes. This man, and this band are my lifeline. I’ve never told y’all my story about how I found 5 Seconds of Summer, but now seems like a good time. I’ll put it under the cut so it doesn’t clog up your dash.

I found Luke around the 14th of March 2011. I was 14. He’d posted his cover of ‘Fireflies’ by Ron Pope a few days before, and there was just something about it that I couldn’t get out of my head. At the time I didn’t think much of it (this was pre-youtube account) and I kept checking back every now and then to see if he posted anything else. In April of that same year, Mike and Cal uploaded a video introducing them as a three piece under the name of ‘5 Seconds of Summer’ - they did a few more covers, most of the time with only two of them lmao, and I kept checking back to see what they were posting. Ash joined them in December 2011 and they became a four piece.

When they uploaded the video for ‘Teenage Dirtbag’, I knew that I wanted to keep watching their content as there was just something I still couldn’t shake. The energy with the four of them had shifted somehow from just being the three of them, and it kept me interested.

They toured a lil bit of Aus in 2012, and I spent my days on Youtube watching shitty videos of them playing songs they’d written themselves rather than covers. They then revealed that they were releasing an EP later in the year. They dropped ‘Unplugged’ in June 2012 in Aus and NZ and I remember being super sad that I couldn’t buy it in the UK yet. It was released WW in December 2012, and you bet your ass I bought an iTunes voucher so I could buy it (remember iTunes vouchers?? Those were the days, RIP iTunes). They moved to London at the end of that year. I remember seeing a video someone uploaded of them doing an impromptu session playing in a park in London and being so sad that I wasn’t there to see them. They did some small intimate shows in the UK while they were over here, but I never got to go to any of them.

In early 2013 they started touring with 1D, but again I never got to see them. I LIVED for the shitty videos people were posting on Youtube of their performances, and I was desperate to see this band I’d become so obsessed with following.

On the 24th of February 2014, they uploaded the video for ‘She Looks So Perfect’ on Youtube. It was at this point that my friends at school became aware of them and started following them, despite me telling them for years that this band were awesome (teenagers, am I right?). On the 27th of June 2014, they released ‘5 Seconds Of Summer’ out into the world. I was 17 years old.

At 17, I was struggling with A LOT. My grandad was very ill, my friends turned out to not be my friends, and it’s probably one of the loneliest periods I’ve ever had in my life. I’d experienced what I thought was heartbreak, and their self-titled album was everything I needed at that time in my life. I finally saw them on the 5th of June 2015. I got to spend two hours in a room with my four favourite people in the whole world. I have a video of them playing ‘Everything I Didn’t Say’, and all you can hear is me sobbing in the background lmao.

Walking out of that venue, I knew my life would never be the same.

I was pretty active on social media at this point, as were the boys, and seeing the stupid things they got up to on Keek and Twitter genuinely made my days so much brighter.

As we all know, ‘Sounds Good Feels Good’ was released on the 23rd of October 2015. I was 18, my parents had just split up, my grandad had died and I felt like the whole world was out to get me. I fell into a period of intense depression and did some things I’m not proud of, and I honestly didn’t see a way out. Then SGFG came along. That is the album that quite literally saved my life. Listening to the four people I admired most in the whole world singing lyrics about things I was going through, being the same age as me, was totally overwhelming. I don’t remember my first listen through of that album - what I do remember is the way that it changed my whole world view.

They understood exactly how I felt, down to the last detail. To this day I have to leave Broken Home and Invisible off of playlists because they jolt me back to a time in my life that I don’t ever want to experience again. That whole album was my saving grace for a long time. I’m eternally grateful to them for releasing it when they did, as I’m gonna be straight up and say that I might not have been sat here typing this today.

I went to their show for the SLFL tour on the 8th of April 2016. I spent most of that night crying my eyes out and getting weird looks from the people around me, but I didn’t care. This was my band, and they were playing the songs that literally saved me. The SGFG era was emotionally draining for me for a long time, and it took me a while to be able to listen to most of the album again as it just felt so raw.

When they took time off to rejuvenate themselves before album three, I was worried. For the last 6 years this band had been what kept me waking up each morning. The lack of content was freaking me out and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. My mental health was on its way down again and I found myself going back to old patterns.

At this point, I’d been in a relationship for almost three years, was engaged, and was living with my then SO. I thought everything was perfect, I had the life that I wanted with a man that I thought I’d be with forever.

In February 2018 they released ‘Want You Back’, and I loved it, but didn’t have the connection with it like I did with SGFG. I missed out on tickets for the 5SOS III Tour (and may have cried about it, but it’s fine), but bought tickets for the Meet You There Tour before they even released the album. This was my band, of course I was going to see them.

When ‘Youngblood’ dropped, I had a day off from work. I set my stereo system up, and lay on my living room floor with the speakers around me in a circle. I wanted to feel the new album, not just listen to it (weird, I know). Want You Back and Youngblood were fine, but then we hit Lie To Me.

‘I know that you don’t, but if I ask you if you love me, won’t you lie, lie, lie, lie, lie to me?’

I genuinely felt all of the breath I had in my lungs, vacate. I’m gonna be straight and say that I hadn’t been happy in my relationship for a while despite what I said above - my partner was emotionally abusive, and the warning signs were clear, I just didn’t want to see them. That one line haunted me every time Luke sang it, but I let it play through and moved through the rest of the album. When it finished, I let it play through again. I let those lyrics flow through me, and by the time it got round to Lie To Me again, I was sobbing. Once again, these boys knew exactly what I needed to hear, at the exact time in my life that I needed to hear it. It took me seeing them again in November of last year to make a change in my life.

If you’ve been around for a little while, you’ll know that I’ve shared my Meet You There Tour story before, but if you haven’t read it, you can find it here. I stood at the back of the O2 Academy in Birmingham, a year ago tomorrow (1st of Nov) and cried. Listening to my boys sing those songs in person absolutely broke me, and made me realise that I wasn’t happy in my relationship. I left that show heartbroken, and overwhelmed, and honestly exhausted, but I drove back home and spent the next two months trying to fix the relationship I was so unhappy in.

I thought I’d made progress, but after Christmas of last year, everything fell back into old patterns and enough was enough. Watching my ex-partner walk out of the front door was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I’d taken the plunge, but I was broken. I moved back in with my mum in January of this year, which has been incredibly stressful (that’s another story lmao), but the one thing that has kept me going is these four boys.

Ashton is always the one that I feel the most connected with - I don’t know if it’s because he’s the oldest and people usually think I’m a lot older than I am, but his life philosophy and his attitude towards the things which make him a better person, inspire me every day. Whenever I’m having a shitty day, he always seems to put out a Tweet which says exactly what I need to hear. His love for us keeps me going every day, and I strive to be even half the person that he is. He does so much for us, and I thank God every single day he biked halfway across Sydney to attend that first band practice as a four-piece.

Their music makes me feel a lot less lonely, in a world that hasn’t always been the kindest to me. Because of them, I’ve met some of the coolest people on the planet through this godforsaken website, and the existence of these people in my life makes me excited to wake up each day.

This Tweet from Ash tonight reminded me exactly why I stayed with this band way back in 2011. Their passion for their art inspires me every single day and I am constantly in awe of the way they continue to push themselves and their performance.

I am not the same person I was at the start of the year. ‘Youngblood’ has helped me reinvent myself into the person I’ve always wanted to be. I’m so much stronger than I ever thought possible, and I’ve only realised that because of four dorks from Sydney that told me it’s okay to be whoever you want to be.

I will forever be grateful for their music, their passion, and their presence on this Earth. I’ve never stuck with any artist as long as I’ve stuck with this band, and I would not change that for the world.

Thank you 5SOS, for always being there for me, even if no one else was. I love you guys.

#personal #wow #that ended up being a lot longer than I was planning #if you read all of that #I'm impressed #thank you #tw: sucide #tw: depression #tw: self harm #cashtonasfuck

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faneliacosplay · 6 years ago

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Top 10 of 2018

C2018 was a year is this nicest way I can sum it up. My precious fur-baby passed away after fighting a horrible illness and is in a happier place, my health went crazy (still is as of writing), and I finally broke free from an abusive toxic person who had been controlling me for a huge chunk of my life. Despite the bad things that happened, I want to focus on the good things of 2018. One of things I began doing in January of 2018 was at the end of every week, I would write down all of the good things that happened to me, be it sewing, watched a good movie, spending time with a friend, etc. So without further ado, here’s my Top 10 of 2018! (I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S ALREADY MARCH!!)

1. The Ancient Magus’ Bride

- I’ve been a lifelong fan of Beauty and the Beast-like stories ever since I watched the classic Disney film. The manga kept popping up in my recommendations for the majority of 2017 and I remember seeing a poster at my local theater for a premiere showing of the first 3 episodes of the then-upcoming anime (I have since regretted not going to this showing). I finally caved and bought the first two volumes of the manga and literally went back to the store two days later and bought the next 2 volumes. I’ve always been a very picky person with my romance be it movie, novel, anime, manga, etc., but this quickly became one of my favorites with it’s excellent world-building, relationships, and don’t even get me started on how gorgeous the animation is! If you want an excellent Beauty & the Beast adaptation, you won’t be disappointed. (I am unashamed of crying happy tears in public while watching the final episode)

2. Satoshi Kon’s Filmography

- My New Year’s resolution was to watch all of the late Satoshi Kon’s works, starting with his debut film Perfect Blue. I had wanted to watch this film for several years, and it did not disappoint. (I kept spamming for people to go and see it when it got a theatrical re-release in Fall 2018) Next was Kon’s final project Paprika, which I watched about 3 times in May and many times over 2018 and still notice something new every time I watch it. Finally, I watched *the* film that I have wanted to watch for many, many years (since 2004 to be exact): Millennium Actress. I was not prepared for how moving this film would be with its themes of the past vs. present, how an ordinary encounter can lead to something so much more, and lastly: love transcends time. If you could only watch one of Satoshi Kon’s works, please choose to watch Millennium Actress. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to watch Kon’s other two works, but I aim to in 2019 (along with reading his works)

3. Slayers

- I watched some of Slayers back in middle school and in summer 2016, but never took off with it until in 2018. I knew I would like this funny series about the adventures of a fiery sorceress, dumb as a stump swordsman, optimistic hero-in-training, and an overly-serious chimera, but I had no idea it would become one of my top 10 favorite anime series! I haven’t laughed so much with an anime in a while, and I greatly appreciated it since my fur-baby passed away and this was one of the last anime we watched together. There’s just something about 90s fantasy anime that’s just so appealing. I will throw in that while I love the tv series, the films are worth watching too, with The Motion Picture being my favorite. If you need something to cheer you up, I highly recommend Slayers!

4. Venom

- Confession: I did not have high hopes for this movie. I was the only one among my friends who was uninterested in this film whenever we would watch the trailers/promos/etc. Eventually after this movie came out, my friends and best friend convinced me to see it. My sociology buddy told me “This movie wasn’t marketed right! Go see it!!” and another told me “This is the best action rom-com of 2018.” The next day my family asked me if I wanted to see it and Bohemian Rhapsody (also an excellent film) and I said “Sure!” This film has since spawned never-ending jokes between me and my best friend. (I ended up making her a Venom scarf for Christmas!) If you’re trying to get someone to see this film, don’t show them the trailers depicting it as a dark, gritty, action thriller, show them the home video trailer depicting it as a rom-com because that’s exactly what it is. I still can’t believe that a movie about a human falling in love with a man-eating gooey alien is real.

5. The Shape of Water

- “2017 will be remembered as the year men screwed up so badly, women started dating fish.”- Jimmy Kimmel, 2018 Oscars. I’m beginning to see a pattern for stories of humans falling in love with monsters. My mom and I wanted to see this film after the trailer dropped in summer 2017 and were disappointed when the film didn’t play here. However, sometime in February 2018, this film played in our town for one weekend, so we dashed to the theater. I don’t even know where to start with how beautiful this film is and since several people I know still haven’t watched it I’ll just state this: Please watch this film. It earned the 4 Oscars it won. (It earned all 10 it was nominated for!)

6. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse

- I almost didn’t see this film. 2018 was a pretty hectic year for me and I didn’t really keep up with films/entertainment news, so I saw no trailers for this film (except for a really short tv ad). All I knew was what my best friend had said: “Brianna, let’s go see Spider-verse. In 3D.” (y’all, 2018 was the year of listening to my best friend) It was so nice not only to see a different Spider-Man, a diverse cast, a well-curated soundtrack, and a completely new style of animation that makes you feel as though you’re reading/watching a comic book??? Sign me up! I’m so happy this film won the Oscar!!

7. Macross Frontier Movies

- I’ve fallen deep into the Macross hole in the past year or two and have no plans of crawling out. The 2008 series Macross Frontier was my first and favorite entry in the series so far. I knew that there were two recap/alternate retelling films made, so when I was free one day I watched them and I was really surprised that I enjoyed them more than the tv series!? I haven’t really mentioned this, but my big problem with the tv series of Frontier was it’s ending being not too good. I don’t want to ruin it since Macross (particularly made after 2001) is a bit unknown in the USA, but I will say that if you want to get into this franchise, start with the Frontier movies or with the iconic Macross: Do you remember love? film. The music is just as good as the tv series, same with the costumes, and the writing is much better! The performance of Northern Cross at the climax of The Wings of Goodbye was really moving. Not “Do you remember love?” moving, but pretty close.

8. Sailor Moon Theatrical Double-Feature

- Everyone who knows me knows that I’ve loved Sailor Moon for pretty much all of my life (ever since the 3rd & 4th seasons aired on Toonami back in the day!) A holiday tradition for me was to watch the 2nd theatrical every Christmas Eve, unfortunately my two VHS tapes finally gave out in 2016. Thanks to Viz Media, this past summer saw theatrical re-releases of all 3 Sailor Moon films. Shockingly, my local theater was showing the films subbed so my mom and I bought our tickets right away. It was so surreal seeing these films that I grew up with on the big screen, and I know non-Sailor Moon fans won’t get this, but hearing/watching the whole “Moon Revenge” sequence in the theater was so intense. This part never got to me as a kid for some weird reason and I had no idea I was crying until my mom pointed it out at the end of the film. With the 2nd film, seeing Luna transform into a human was emotionally moving as always, just 10 times more since it was on the big screen with that nice surround sound system. That night when I got home, I didn’t get any sleep since I still couldn’t believe that this happened. The now 20+ years old Sailor Moon movies got released for the first time in USA theaters. This is an experience I’m going to remember for the rest of my life.

9. Cardcaptor Sakura: Clear Card Arc

- I was so excited when a sequel to Cardcaptor Sakura was announced. Like Sailor Moon, I watched this series as the heavily-edited Cardcaptors on Toonami. When I got older and learned that there was more anime out there besides the ones I saw on TV, I went back and watched Cardcaptor Sakura to get the whole, magical story and even read the manga, which I believe is the greatest children’s manga ever made. I loved every single moment of the new series and felt as though I were watching another episode of the classic series. The only thing that felt different was that the animation is no longer hand-drawn. (it’s still good) When you reboot or make a sequel to a series be it tv, film, or book, sometimes it’ll miss the charm that made it so enjoyable in the first place. Clear Card thankfully still carries the charm its predecessor had.

10. Little Witch Academia

- I had started this anime around holiday 2017 but didn’t finish it until early 2018. This was one of the most optimistic series I’d ever had the pleasure of watching. I don’t want to compare the two, but the inspirational message that Kiki’s Delivery Service gave me when I was 10, was the exact inspirational message you will find in Little Witch Academia. (and that I needed to hear as a 20-year-old) I was starting to get a bit depressed and losing confidence in myself with my science grades getting lower no matter what I tried, as well as other things in my personal life. After dropping Science, I had a long wait between classes, so I decided to start watching Little Witch Academia again. Seeing our protagonist Akko trying her best at flying a broom and failing was me with my science grades, but her determination to get her broom just a few centimeters off the ground was so inspiring to watch. After this I watched the other Studio Trigger works I had yet to see, and while they’re all good in their own way, none of them have left the imprint LWA left on me. Sometimes when I get frustrated or lack confidence in myself, I tell myself Shiny Chariot’s words of wisdom that motivated Akko throughout the series: “Never forget your beautiful dreams. Believing is your magic!!”

#2018 #2018 in review #The Ancient Magus Bride #millennium actress #satoshi kon #slayers anime #lina inverse #venom #the shape of water #into the spider verse #macross frontier #sailor moon #cardcaptor sakura clear card #clear card arc #little witch academia #brianna talks #slayers

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aeneasx · 6 years ago

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Here’s Which Notorious Serial Killer You’d Be, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

check rising sign and mars sign

Aries

(March 21st to April 19th)

Paul Knowles (Born April 17th)

Also know as “The Casanova Killer”, Knowles was a serial strangler convicted of killing at least 18 people in 1974, despite his claims to have murdered at least 35 individuals. Impulsive and hotheaded, Knowles committed all of his murders within one year. In typical Aries fashion, Knowles demonstrated a lot of tenacity and drive in the beginning of his killing career, but grew too sloppy and overly emotional to have the ability to carry out his crimes without being caught. He was arrested after attempting to crash his car through a police blockade, was chased on foot, and then was apprehended by a civilian with a shotgun.

Taurus

(April 20th to May 20th)

H. H. Holmes (Born May 7th)

Leave it to a Taurus to go so over the top they create an actual Murder Castle. H. H. Holmes, sometimes referred to as “America’s First Serial Killer”, was a serial killer and con-artist in Chicago around the turn of the 19th Century. Overly ambitious, money hungry, and a bit on the dramatic side, Holmes would lure people into his murder castle (filled with secret passageways and hidden rooms) where they would never be heard from again and Holmes would attempt to collect their life insurance policies. Although he was only pinned to around 5 murders, many people suspect he actually killed closer to 200 people.

Gemini

(May 21st to June 21st)

Jeffrey Dahmer (Born May 21st)

Jeffrey Dahmer was a serial killer who notoriously raped, murdered, and mutilated 17 men and boys from 1978 until his arrest in 1991. Dahmer was also a necrophile and cannibalized some of his victims, as well as preserved body parts and bones from the bodies of the young men who he murdered. Charming and personable, Dahmer was able to lure the young men back to his apartment and often convinced them to pose for photographs before the nightmare began. But the true shift in personality from a Gemini like Dahmer came in prison where he fully committed himself to Christianity and completely atoned for his crimes before being bludgeoned to death by another inmate. Pretty big personality shift from someone who kept an alter of body parts in their home as a shrine to themselves…

Cancer

(June 22nd to July 22nd)

Genene Jones (Born July 13th)

Biography Genene Jones is a suspected serial killer thought to be responsible for the deaths of up to 60 infants while she was a licensed vocational nurse between the 1970s and 1980s. Cancers are known for their big hearts and wanting to take care of people, but Jones’ heroine complex took her to a murderous level. Jones would inject infants with lethal doses of succinylcholine in order to get them close to death with the intention of reviving them for praise and glory. After being convicted for the death of 15-month old Chelsea McClellan, she was sentenced to 99 years in prison.

Leo

(July 23rd to August 22nd)

John George Haigh (Born August 10th)

Only a dramatic, attention seeking Leo would end up being someone known as “The Acid Bath Murderer.” John Haigh was a serial killer in England between 1943 and 1949. Haigh would bludgeon or shoot his victims before dousing their bodies in sulfuric acid in order to destroy the evidence. He would then cash in on their belongings by forging papers and selling what he could find for substantial amounts of money. But like Leos typically do, he became so excited about his sinister plan he misunderstood a key detail. Haigh believed that under corpus delicti if there was no body he couldn’t be convicted of a crime. This was not the case and there was enough evidence to sentence him to death by hanging in 1949.

Virgo

(August 23rd to September 22nd)

Rodney Alcala (Born August 23rd)

Known as a “killing machine” by many, it’s no surprise that someone as methodical, careful, and tactical of a killer like Rodney Alcala is a Virgo. Alcala would kidnap victims after luring them by promising to take their photograph and enjoyed “toying” with them before they died. He would strangle them to the brink of death only to revive them and torture them all over again. Alcala was convicted and sentenced to death for 5 murders, but new victims continue to be revealed while he has been on death row. Hundreds of photographs of naked men and women were found in a storage locker in Seattle, and many are believed to be victims of Alcala. Some believe Alcala was responsible for upwards of 130 murders.

Libra

(September 23rd to October 22nd)

Patrick Kearney (Born September 24th)

Patrick Kearney, also known as “The Freeway Killer”, is an American serial killer who hunted young men in gay bars and along freeways in California in the 1970s. Kearney would shoot his victims before dismembering and mutilating their bodies, sometimes even beating the corpses as a way to “release his rage.” Libras often have trouble with saying no and with their self-control, and Kearney took this to the extreme with his inability to satiate or control his murderous and necrophilic urges. However, also like Libras, Kearney was eager to come clean when caught and immediately confessed to all of his crimes in order to avoid the death penalty. He is currently serving 21 life sentences at California State Prison, Mule Creek.

Scorpio

(October 23rd to November 22nd)

Charles Manson (Born November 12th)

Charismatic, captivating, and ultimately completely self-serving and terrifying when crossed, it’s no shock that one of the most notorious cult-leaders, Charles Manson, is a Scorpio. Leader of the infamous Manson Family, Charles Manson lead his “family” around California in the 1960s, and eventually ordered several gruesome murders between July and August of 1969. Manson believed in what he coined “Helter Skelter” which would be an apocalyptic race war. He believed the murders would spark this war. Since 1989, Manson has been single cell-housed in the Protective Housing Unit at California State Prison, Corcoran.

Sagittarius

(November 23rd to December 21st)

Ted Bundy (November 24th)

Arguably one of the most famous serial killers to have ever existed, Ted Bundy was a rapist, necrophile, burglar, and murderer known to have killed at least 20 people during the 1970s. That being said, like most Sagittarians Bundy was prolific and grandiose, so it’s heavily suspected that he murdered far more people than he ever copped to. Sagittarians are also incredibly unpredictable, which is evidenced in the fact that Bundy did not have simply one method of murder. If he wanted to kill someone, he would find a way to do it. After escaping prison twice (again, so Sagittarius of him to not go down without a fight), Bundy was eventually captured and convicted in Florida, where he was eventually executed by lethal injection.

Capricorn

(December 22nd to January 20th)

William Bonin (Born January 8th)

Described as “the most arch-evil person who ever existed”, William Bonin was a serial killer who preyed on and murdered 21 young boys and men between 1979 and 1980 in Southern California. Expertly careful and practical like a true Capricorn, Bonin created a perfect murder/torture venue in the back of his Ford Econoline van. Bonin removed all of the inside handles from all of the doors aside from the driver’s side in order to minimize the chance one of his victims could escape, and would kill them inside of the van before dumping their bodies along various highways in California. The only reason Bonin was caught was because someone heard him raping and strangling a 17-year-old boy in the back of the van, which lead to his arrest. Bonin was the first person to be executed by lethal injection in California in 1996.

Aquarius

(January 21st to February 18th)

Robert Hansen (Born February 15th)

Detached, unpredictable, and incredibly secretive, Aquarians make the perfect serial killers. This is why it’s no surprise that someone who enjoyed literally hunting people was Aquarius Robert Hansen. Hansen would kidnap women and after raping them, set them loose in the Alaskan wilderness where he would hunt them down like animals. He’s known to have murdered 17 women, but is suspected of killing at least 30. As part of his plea bargain Hansen helped locate the bodies of other victims, and was eventually sentenced to 461 years in prison.

Pisces

(February 19th to March 20th)

John Wayne Gacy (Born March 17th)

A Pisces is a natural dreamer and can get caught up in their own imagination, so it’s no surprise that Pogo the Clown aka: John Wayne Gacy ended up being the sinister side to this sign. Gacy raped, tortured, and murdered 33 young men and boys and buried many of them in the crawl space of his Norwood Park home. Like a highly emotional Pisces, when it was evident police were cornering in on him Gacy gave a rambling, drunken confession to his attorneys. Gacy remained on death row for 14 years before being executed in 1994.

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amosbarot · 6 years ago

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( cismale ) haven’t seen AMOS BAROT around in a while. the DEV PATEL lookalike has been known to be (+) INSOUCIANT & (+) KEEN, but HE can also be (-) TROUBLED & (-) DERISIVE. The 24 year old is a SENIOR majoring in COMPUTER ENGINEERING. I believe they’re living in AUDAX but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( james. 20. EST. she/they. )

hello !! here is my other baby, who is...somehow, more of a mess than naeva !! no dilly dally, let’s jump right into it !!

TW: drug addiction/abuse, car accident. mental illness.

a e s t h e t i c s ( except i am a sham of a person and sorta very much forgot to save my aesthetics so ! winging it ! )

floral suits and a light air of mock-arrogance, charming smiles and a mischievous glint, easy sarcasm and raised eyebrows. rolling joints resembling cigars, smoke drifting towards ceilings as conspiratorial rambles escape intoxicated lips, wild gestures and toppled book stacks, four expresso shots at the stroke of midnight and equations leading off whiteboards. heavy eye bags and warm smiles, dismissive words and excuses. sleepwalking to the middle of the quad for the third time that week, donning white boxers littered with red hearts...again. secret glances and barely contained excitement, distractions from the obvious.

general info !!

full name: amos ronak barot

nickname(s): n/a !!

b.o.d. - january 17th, 24 yrs old, capricorn

label(s): the academic, the ebullient, the fallen, the icarcian.

height: 6′2″

hometown: london, uk ooo fancy

sexuality: wildly. chaotically. bisexual.

his stats can be found HERE

and his pinterest can be found HERE !

biography

introducing...another one of indira’s cousins !!!!

born to olena barot, member of the american embassy in london/future U.S. ambassador to the UK and ronak barot, CEO of his very own computer company. needless to say, he and his younger sister alya were born into a certain wealth

they hopped between the US and the UK and wherever else they desired to go on vacation to with ease; UK for school and US for breaks, rome or paris or wherever else, simply whenever.

despite this though !! olena and ronak had always wanted their children to find their own success, to be financially stable without their assistance once they got older. therefore, it was a known fact in their household that they’d be cut off financially by the time they were 21.

luckily, neither of them really minded this? both children had always had an extreme thirst for knowledge and a wonder for things. even so--their childhood wasn’t quite typical, as their competitive natures led to them trying to one-up each other?

alya and amos grew up extremely close to each other, being so close in age it really didn’t feel as if she was the younger sibling; they were more like twins than anything. obviously, amos still gloated about being the eldest, but their bond was tight.

there were moments in their childhood where if anybody, and i mean anybody--spoke ill of alya, amos would get into physical alterations. he’s much more peaceful now, but the history is still there.

by the time amos entered sixth form, his studies were--while still very important to him--less frequent. he’d go out nearly every night, gone whole weekends, partying or being a general hooligan.

alya, however, did not partake in these activities. this is where they differed--amos had always been an extrovert, fond of crowds and people and being in the center of it all. causing ruckus. wrecking havoc. alya’s always been...reserved, in the best way possible. few knew just what a gem she was, but she really was to be treasured. even so--the less time amos seemed to spend at home, the more distant alya became towards him.

but, surprise: despite being literally, incredibly smart, amos got BIG DUMBASS ENERGY and was very very oblivious to the why and how of this. which really, really did not help.

unfortunately, there wasn’t any time to dwell about this.

around the same time, tragedy struck the barot family.

after one of his lil’ runabouts, amos came home to find furniture being escorted out of their house, police--his sister crying, his mother ashamed, his father nowhere to be found.

and soon after, amos found out that his father was arrested for a scandal that sent many into a tizzy. essentially: the company fucked over their own customers via stealing their info, committing some fraud, y’know, credit cards and social security numbers, sellin’ it. just. some nasty white collar crime.

it also wound up fucking up olena’s newly acquired position as the US ambassador for the UK. she was released from the embassy during ronak’s trials.

he ultimately wound up in prison, and olena moved their family back to the U.S.

and amos--being the big dumb baby he is, figured the best thing to do was to pretend it hadn’t bothered him one bit! so he did exactly that!

i imagine that they moved close to indira’s family, and amos spent a lot of time with her from there then.

however, in between pretending things were fine and dandy, and home life, and the drag and pull of parties, anxiety weighed down amos’ bones like...constantly. his family was now, essentially, poor with a mass debt thanks to their father. the expectations for amos to do good, to be better--the fall of amos’ biggest role model.

it was all too much. anxiety attacks became frequent, provoked by the slightest thing--he could only lay awake at night, sleep infrequent. he was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and insomnia, and treated for both--some days it still doesn’t feel like enough.

getting a scholarship to lockwood is probably the best thing to happen to him in a long time. it was a new look into a potential future.

got into the uh...career, of sorts, of doing people’s assignments for them for a hefty payment, alongside his normal job. just to make sure he had spending money and whatnot.

involving tatiana: their friendship bloomed after he did a few assignments for her, y’see--then came the midnight adventures, and whatnot. i wouldn’t have called them close by any means, but they had fun together when they weren’t arguing. their friendship ended after a pretty bad car accident--neither were fatally hurt, but the car was wrecked and it was amos’ fault and it just. sorta was the end of that.

he’s got a...reliability on his sleeping pills, if you will. it’s not healthy in the slightest, but he’s convinced it’s nothing serious. it’s pretty serious.

his eyesight is also getting worse--expected to become legally blind by the time he’s forty.

more on those l8r

personality

there’s a lot of words you can use to describe amos! pretentious, sarcastic, provoking, hardly ever serious, immature, petty, Just Like That, full of himself, smartass, big dumbass energy. y’know. just an infinite amount.

he can be so dramatic! everything he does is exaggerated. he rolls cigar-sized joints at every party. goes around with a horrible ‘20s mobster voice, voicing his lil’ conspiracies.

it’s both hard and very easy to forget that amos graduated as valedictorian of his high school (stealing it, from somebody else--i should mention, as he came in halfway thru the year and kinda just. snatched the title.) because he can be a real idiot sometimes.

because he tries to hard to mask his insecurities, he overcompensates with just. being childish. he’s fun to be around but sometimes he can just be. exhausting.

so like, he went into computer engineering because that was just sorta what he always wanted to do? besides programming? he really wanted to take after his father--but with him being in jail and whatnot, kinda puts a damper to that dream. still, he can’t stop.

so he’s just. really good with computers tbh?? built his own, programmed his own firewall. his dream is to open his own cybersecurity company.

VERY STRESSED LIKE CONSTANTLY like catch him in the library with six empty coffee cups surrounding his work, it’s 2am--he hasn’t slept, in fact his eyes are likely taped opened. he works a lot.

but parties...a lot more! he tries rly hard to not mix his medication with anything so that leads to him...not always taking it, or overcompensating when he misses. it’s a mess. he’s a mess. he thinks he knows what he’s doing but he’s NOT.

i think...i’d consider him lovable. he’s a lil eccentric, a lil high energy.

LOVES HIS FAMILY. like, listen. he still loves his dad. would protect his cousins and sister and mother with his mf life.

alya and him aren’t on the...best terms rn. so that Hurts.

he can be really petty tbh ?? like he can’t take arguments seriously so he just becomes this fucking manchild. he will mimic u. he’ll mock u. he can be hurtful.

god...i don’t even know what else to say. just take him TAKE HIM

wanted connections

as always, i am a big slut for every connection.

give him his Lads. his buds. his pals. his broskis. his bromances.

ride or die(s)

people he tutors !! people whose work he does for them !!

somebody who goes to him b/c of computer troubles n he’s just like...r u going to pay me or nah

high school friends??

party pals??

his sister may become a WC in the future but idk quite yet, we do stan her though !!

drug dealer pls n thank

ex friends ?? fake friends ?? toxic friends ??

bad influences ?? good influences ??

hook ups ?? like a lot of ‘em ??

confidante ?? just somebody he can. rant to.

academic rival just b/c i really love intense study-offs

enemies for whatever reason ??

exes ??

particularly this one ex he was really, really in love w/ but life just got really stressful and idk it affected their relationship and they sorta just. ended it. idk who ended it w/ who but it probably wasn’t mutual and he’s probably really still hung up about it.

i mean i’ll take...anything...did they run into each other once and now just see each other everywhere??

unrequited things??

really cute close friendships??

#water:intro #hi it takes me fifty years to do things but i DID IT

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13thsongbird · 5 years ago

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I can’t quite believe it’s nearly October – where did the summer go? And on top of that, where did September go?? That said, I’ve been glorying in the weather here in New York this past month. We’ve still been flirting with temps in the 80s during the hottest parts of the day, but it’s much breezier and less humid, and once the sun goes down the temperature drops quite comfortably into the 60s. Much nicer than the sticky humidity and 90+ degree days and nights of August! (We’re still not quite to my ideal fall temperatures, but soon… soon…)

And with cooler temps come thoughts of fall-appropriate sewing – that is to say, things with sleeves. I didn’t do this consciously, but looking back at the projects I completed this summer, there wasn’t a single sleeve in sight! These arms demand freedom in the heat of a New York City summer, what can I say. Hindsight being 20/20, this actually may be the reason I procrastinated so long on the make I’m ever-so-slowly building up to. Minds are weird and wonderful things, aren’t they?

At the beginning of August, the Instagram sewing community blew up with sewing challenges – the ones I saw the most were #alteritaugust and #BRAugust2019, but there were any number of others. Not sure why August is the hoppin’ sewing month, but it made for a flood of inspiring Instagram pictures so I wasn’t complaining! However, I wasn’t really in the mood to commit to a sustained month-long challenge. The lure of getting in the sandbox to play with my sewing community beckoned, but it wasn’t quite clicking – until I saw someone posting about #sewcialmashup and a little bulb went off in my head. The concept was simply to mash up two (or more!) patterns and share pictures of the result during the month of August, with weekly prize drawings and some big grand prize options at the end of the month, and my mind immediately flashed to a mashup I’ve had brewing since before the new year. What a great opportunity to get my rear in gear, join the fun, but also not overwhelm myself! One project, one month – easy peasy!

(And then I procrastinated for the whole month and only worked on it the literal last three days of August… and then I started writing this blog post the first week of September and only just now got around to finishing it… Shhhhhh… I blame it on the heat. Yeah. Also, big shoutout to Girls in the Garden and Inside the Hem for hosting such a fun challenge!)

Like a lot of sewists, I was entranced this winter by the release of Friday Pattern Company’s Adrienne Blouse. A simple top designed for knits, it majorly brings the drama with sleeves that are literally the largest pattern pieces on the sheet, gathered at shoulder and cuff with 1/2″ elastic, and is a terrifically drafted pattern and easy to sew to boot. The minute I got my grubby little hands on it, I was dreaming of wearing it tucked into high-waisted pants and skirts, which gave me a moment of pause. I don’t like tucking knit tops in – I feel like they often bunch and shift under a fitted waistband, plus I’m very tall with a long torso, which can be trying when it comes to keeping tucked-in shirts in place. The Adrienne is drafted with negative ease through the body, which meant the bunching was unlikely to be an issue, but it is also self-described as “slightly cropped with the hem hitting just below your bellybutton”. How much length was I going to have to add to make this wearable?? (The answer is none – I actually find the length of the torso fairly spot-on for me. Were I looking for a cropped top I’d be disappointed, but as it is I’m pleased as punch!) Then I had a surge of brilliance – I’ve posted here before about my love affair with the Nettie bodysuit from Closet Case Patterns, and one of the things I love most about it is that it provides me with close-fitting knit tops that are un-untuckable. Why couldn’t I just whack the bottom of the Nettie onto the Adrienne, joining the practicality of the bodysuit with the swoony romanticism of the blouse’s sleeves? Both patterns are very simply drafted with similar ease and stretch requirements. Only one thing to do, and that was throw it at the wall and see if it stuck!

Despite the incredibly long incubation time on this idea (I mentioned it for the first time all the way back in January when I was drafting my Pick Nine selections for 2019), once I pulled out the patterns the whole thing came together really quickly! My copy of the Nettie has an inch of length added to the front pattern piece at the lengthen-shorten line (I chose to fold out that extra length from the back piece to try and reduce extra fabric at the small of my back, which has been an issue before), so to make sure I included that I simply lined up the Nettie’s top lengthen-shorten line with the waist notch on the Adrienne. Above that point I traced the Adrienne, below it I traced the waist and hip curve on the Nettie, shifted the pattern pieces a little so the edge lined up with the fold of the fabric, and traced the leg opening with some creative fudging to make up for a little added width through the hips. Same process for the back (while Adrienne uses the same pattern piece front and back, the Nettie has differently shaped pieces to accommodate your crotch and your butt) and I was in business! Since I didn’t change anything about the armscye or neckline of the Adrienne, I could simply use the sleeve and neck binding pattern pieces as drafted, and while the leg opening did end up slightly cattywompus from the original Nettie, Heather very thoughtfully includes in the pattern instructions that the bands (which you self-draft anyway) should be 90% the length of your leg opening, so I just had to do a little measuring.

Cutting it out was simple and mostly notable for how often I had to stop to pet my fabric – I’ve never worked with double-brushed poly before, so I don’t know if it’s all this soft and kitten-like and delicious or if LA Finch Fabrics just has the absolute best DBP in the game. Either way, it’s divine, and I got 1 1/4 yard for a steal of a deal because it was an end-of-bolt piece (so no more for you, sorry, it’s ALL MINE!), which was the perfect amount to cut out my “Adrettie” without any hassle and still have some silky-soft scrappy pieces that I think I can squeeze a panties-and-bralette set out of (#sustainablesewing!!! Use up those scraps!). Construction was likewise simple and straightforward; while I own a serger it hasn’t been threaded in a few years and I have sewn everything from lingerie elastic to swimsuit lycra to chunky sweater knits using the zigzag stitch on my ever-loving Joni, so all I had to do was sit down at my machine and sew. An hour or two later, and it was SLEEVE TIME!!

I’m seriously in love with these sleeves. Paired with my buzz cut, they make me feel like I’m Fantine from Les Mis – and who doesn’t want to go about their daily life feeling like a 19th-century factory worker tragically forced to sell her hair, teeth, and body to support her beloved but illegitimate daughter by a man who took advantage of her and then abandoned her to a life of poverty??? (Fantine is one of my dream roles, y’all. I dreamed a dreeeeam in time gone byyyyy…)

Okay maybe that’s just me.

I’m slightly less in love with how far down the cut of the leg opening falls in the front – the back coverage is perfect, and one of the reasons I love the drafting of the Nettie so much, but I might go back in and carve out some of the side and front so the band sits more comfortably in the crease between my thigh and my pelvis.

I paired Adrettie with some Old Navy shorteralls, and while I’m liking the effect I’m not a huge fan of the blue-on-blue – I love a good dress-like-a-crayon moment, but I prefer a little more dynamism and contrast between shades. Still, I wore the ensemble out to a friend’s birthday and really enjoyed it, so I think the answer is clear: I need to make more Adretties to wear with my blue denim shorteralls, and I need to make some other shorteralls (and full-length overalls for the colder weather) that I can wear with this blue one! I’ve got a pair of golden-yellow thrifted jeans that I was thinking of refashioning/altering, and while they were intended to become another pair of better-fitting pants, I’m sorely tempted to chop off the legs and use the extra fabric for straps and a bib… we shall see! I also think the sleeves would look darling under a pinafore, especially as the fall weather begins to make layering more of an option again. And then of course there’s the high-waisted pants and skirts I originally envisioned this hack with!

Gratuitous cat pic!

One thing I will be doing, though, is going back and opening the crotch seam to add snaps – all this talk of layering something that I have to take off in its entirety to go to the bathroom is giving me the cold sweats, and the thought of sitting on a toilet shivering as the weather gets colder does not appeal! The mood for this autumn is dress smarter, not harder, y’all.

We Love A Statement Sleeve I can't quite believe it's nearly October - where did the summer go? And on top of that, where did September go??

#Adrettie #Adrienne Blouse #Closet Case Patterns #double-brushed poly #fall sewing #fall wardrobe #Friday Pattern Company #Instagram challenge #LA Finch Fabrics #make nine 2019 #make nine challenge #Nettie bodysuit #pattern mashup #sewcialmashup

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sadprose-auroras · 6 years ago

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‘About Time’ - Roger TaylorxFem!Reader (Part 1)

A/N: Hello my darlings! I can’t decide if I hate this or not, and I’m not sure if I’ll continue writing this, depends on the response. Please let me know if you want me to continue it (it would probably require way more parts, like a full on series). Hope you enjoy! - Also, this can apply to Ben Hardy’s portrayal of Roger. Whatever you prefer!

(This was totally inspired by a couple time travel fics I read a few weeks ago, I can’t remember the authors or the names but all credits to them for the time travel idea…. LOVE. IT. I just HAD to write my own, crappier version)

Find my other works here!

You sunk to the floor, your knees giving out beneath you. You felt ridiculous, curling up in a ball, in your wardrobe, but you had reached your breaking point; everything had suddenly hit you. As you hugged your knees, sobbing, your jeans became tear-soaked. Your mind wandered, as your cheeks flamed in embarrassment and shame about your current state, despite nobody being around. How did you get here? A few months ago, your life was great. You had a great job, a great circle of friends and boyfriend, and you were pursuing your passion; studying fashion design. Then, everything began to crumble around you. All your friends turned on you, you got fired, and your studies began to slip as a result, causing you to fail an exam.

If all that wasn’t bad enough, you found out your boyfriend of two years had been cheating on you for a year and 11 months. Go figure. It was as if the universe was playing some long, cruel joke on you, just to see how long before you gave up on trying to pursue any kind of happiness. Just as you came to the conclusion that you really had nothing to fight for, leaning your head back on the wall behind you and closing your eyes, the strangest feeling overcame you. Your head began to spin, and pins and needles covered your entire body. You tried to open your eyes, to move your body, but you were frozen. Your heart rate increased rapidly, and you began to think that this was really it. Whatever was happening, you were going to die. Strangely enough, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care.

By some miracle, everything stopped. The pins and needles ceased, and, save a throbbing headache, you felt much better. You experimentally wiggled your toes, and you had feeling back again. Hesitantly, you opened your eyes, looking around you. It was dark, but you could make out the shapes of the clothes hanging around you. Oddly, you didn’t recognise any of them. The chair that was next to you when you closed your eyes was gone, replaced by a shoe rack.

You stood up, closed your eyes again and rubbed your temples, trying to rid of the probable hallucinations. You racked your brain, thinking back to when you studied psychosis in high school. You couldn’t remember a thing. Was temporary paralysis a symptom?

You decided you needed to call a doctor. You pulled your iPhone out of your pocket, still in the dark, and opened up safari. You had no wifi, and no reception. Frowning, you opened the wardrobe door, the knob feeling unfamiliar, to be greeted by a figure doing the same. The door swung open suddenly, bouncing on its hinges.

You both screamed loudly, and, without looking at the figure in front of you, you tried to push past to get away, however, a hand gripped you and pulled you back.

Your eyes became fixed on the man in front of you. You frowned, unable to tear your eyes off him. The hallucinations were getting worse; you were conjuring up images of people in your home. Hang on. You knew his face all too well; you had spent hours watching him drum and sing at concerts on YouTube. It couldn’t be, could it?

“Who are you, and what the hell are you doing in my wardrobe!?” he asked, releasing his grip on you. You winced, rubbing where his fingernails had dug into you. This was all too much.

“I should be asking you the same thing, why are you in my house? What’s going on?” you looked around the room, expecting to see your familiar bedroom; your posters plastered around the walls, your colourful duvet, and your plush white carpet. Instead, the walls were empty, the duvet was blue, and the carpet was grey.

“I need to sit down,” you said, overwhelmed, perching on the edge of the unfamiliar bed. You glanced up at the man in front of you, his expression still shocked and wide-eyed, as he looked you up and down, his brows furrowing.

“God, you seem so real,” you laughed. “But there’s no way.”“What the fuck do you mean?” he replied. “I know I’m real, but I can’t say the same about you. I’ve never known anyone who can just appear out of thin air,” he shook his head in disbelief.

You frowned, rubbing your hands through your hair. “What do you mean, I appeared out of thin air?” your stomach began to sink. For reasons you couldn’t explain, something else was going on. Something much weirder than you initially thought.

“Well, I don’t see how you could have got into my wardrobe without me seeing. I’ve been in my room for 20 minutes.” You glanced at his legs, frowning. What kind of person wears flared jeans anymore?

“I, um,” you began, a laugh escaping your lips despite yourself. This was all too ridiculous. You were actively avoiding eye contact with him. You figured if you acknowledged that it was him, at that age, in front of you, this would all go away. It was impossible. Suddenly, it all came together, as shocking as it was. It wasn’t him that was in the wrong place, it was you. This wasn’t your house. You had no wifi or reception. And, Roger Taylor, looking as he did circa 1972, was right in front of you. Had you time travelled? Your head span at the possibility. What else could explain these strange occurrences?

“What year is it?” you asked, this time properly meeting his eyes this time. Photos didn’t do the real thing justice; his baby blue eyes were maintaining steady eye contact with you, his lips were slightly parted, and his hair looked so soft and angelic. He was insanely beautiful. You internally cursed yourself. Now was definitely not the time.

“1972…” he said, becoming even more confused. Your theory was confirmed. You’d watched all of the Back to the Future movies countless times, but you’d never imagined anything like that could ever really happen. Especially to you; plain, boring, old you.

“I know you’re probably not inclined to believe the crazy girl from your wardrobe, but I think,” you bit your lip, concerned at how he would take the news. “I think I’m from the future.”

----------

“So, you’re telling me you didn’t do anything for this to actually happen?” Roger asked. After trying to explain to him a million times, that yes, you were in fact just as confused as him, and no, you didn’t climb through his window, you tried to remain patient. He had every right to be confused as hell, you would definitely react the same if you were in his shoes. Despite this though, he was oddly trusting, allowing you to remain in his house and actually giving you the time of day to explain your side of the story. He even offered you a glass of water and something to eat, which you accepted gratefully. You were starving.

“Yes, I was literally just in my wardrobe, then the next thing I knew we were screaming in each other’s faces.”

“How do I know you’re telling the truth? You don’t seem very sane so far. I’m going to need some proof. You could just be a crazy girl who will do anything to sleep with me,” he smirked. You rolled your eyes. So the stories were true, he really was cocky.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Taylor,” you retorted. “And no,” you said quickly, as he opened his mouth to speak, “I don’t know your surname because I’m a crazy stalker.” Your mind wandered to your extensive Queen record and CD collection. Okay, so maybe you were a little, but he didn’t need to know that.

“I know because Queen makes it big. I mean, massive.” You bit your lip nervously. If Back to the Future taught you anything, nobody should know too much about their own future. For the first time in your life, you had to think about what you said before you said it.

“How can I convince you?” you asked.

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “What year do you claim to come from, anyway?”

“2019,” you bit your lip.

His eyes widened in disbelief. “Shit,” he mumbled. “Am I….?”

“Still alive? Yeah.” Suddenly, you had an idea. You pulled your phone out of your pocket, thankful it was still charged. You turned it on, the time and date you had left still displayed on the screen (18th January 2019, 11:00), in front of a picture of Queen from 1975. You turned the screen towards him.

“Holy shit, is that me?” he gasped, leaning forward. “2019.” He looked up at you, and you shrugged and nodded. You were thankful he didn’t know the implications of having a picture of somebody as your lockscreen.

“There’s something else,” you unlocked your phone, opening music and searching for ‘Doing Alright.’ You pressed play, the song pouring out of the speakers.

Yesterday, my life was in ruin

Now today, I know what I’m doing…

“Oh my god, that’s our song! We haven’t even released it yet.” He chuckled. You couldn’t help but grin at his excitement, encapsulated by his gorgeous smile.

“Wanna hear more?” you smirked. It’s funny, you had never felt so comfortable around somebody so quickly. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but something about him relaxed you.

----------

“Have you noticed I haven’t asked about that thing you’re holding, ‘cause I’m too scared to?”

You laughed, covering your mouth with your hand. You’d spent the last half an hour playing Roger a few more Queen songs. A small nagging voice in the back of your mind was telling you to stop, to not reveal anything about his future, no matter how small. But Roger’s pleading to hear more won.

“It’s actually a phone,” you said, to answer his question. “Well, that’s its main purpose anyway. You can use it to take and store pictures, play music, and use the internet. Which, well, you’ll find out about in approximately 18 years.”

“I’m intrigued, what’s the internet?” he asked. You thought of all the unspeakable things you had come across on social media, and shook your head.“You don’t want to know.” He raised an eyebrow at you, and you tried to suppress a blush.

You cleared your throat, averting your eyes from him as you straightened up in your seat. “What’s the time?” you asked. He glanced down at his watch. “3am,” he laughed in disbelief. “We should probably get some sleep. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

You shook your head rapidly, taken aback by his utter kindness. “Oh my god no, please, I will. It’s your house,” you said, getting up from the chair you were sitting on. He did the same. You both stood awkwardly, basically staring at each other. You couldn’t help but think of the times you watched a Queen documentary on TV, with the Roger of your time’s commentary. It was hard to believe the man in front of you was the same person.

He cleared his throat, tearing his eyes off you, and going into his bedroom, mumbling something about getting something for you to sleep in.

As you awaited his return, you couldn’t help but wonder why you were so focused on how flustered you were around Roger, and not worried about the fact that you were literally stuck in the wrong year, and had no idea how to get back. The funny thing was, you had no desire to. You hadn’t felt so at home in a long time, than when you were laughing and talking with Roger. He made you feel so safe, so quickly. And that feeling would only grow stronger when you both gave up on convincing the other to sleep on the couch, and ended up sharing his bed.

PART 2: BONUS CONTENT THAT I WROTE THE SAME DAY AS PART ONE. I’M NOT GOING TO CONTINUE IT BUT WHAT’S THE POINT OF HAVING IT IN A WORD DOC N NOT POSTING IT?

When I was writing this, I couldn’t stop imagining rom-com moments. Like, the outfit section? A cute montage with a cute song. Damn I wish I could express the images in my head more clearly, in words. My writing sucks.

“Y/N, wake up. Y/N!!” A familiar, yet foreign, voice startled you. As you came to your senses, you realised your usual soft, silky sheets were replaced with cotton ones, and an unusual smell wafted around you. You slowly opened your eyes, to be greeted by Roger leaning over you, a slightly annoyed look on his face. Fuck. It was real. He must’ve read your disappointment on your face, and he smiled sympathetically and nodded.

“Yep, you’re still here,” he mumbled. You couldn’t help but sigh; you’d hoped it was a really long, unusual dream.

“I have to go to rehearsal for a gig tonight. Do you wanna come?” Of course you didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to meet the rest of the band, and literally see the magic happen, you couldn’t help but feel like you were invading. But then again, who could say they had the chance to sit in on an early Queen rehearsal, especially knowing how successful and impactful they were going to become?

“I don’t – I don’t want to intrude,” you mumbled, sitting up in the bed and clutching the duvet around you, suddenly feeling exposed in Roger’s white shirt.

“Well it’s your choice, I understand that you probably don’t want to sit around with us when you could be finding a way back home or finding your parents or something,” he said.

Although you would never admit it, you wanted nothing more than to go with him. Not only was it literally history in the making, but the absence of your birth parents in your life, leading to a childhood of foster families who couldn’t care less about you, gave you a sense of independence at a young age. You knew how to be alone, seeking solace in music. Music created by the greats like Queen made you feel less alone, as silly as it sounded. It was your escape from the struggles in your real life.

“Wait, no. I want to come. If you don’t mind. But I need something 70s appropriate to wear,” you chuckled, glancing over at your high-waisted skinny jeans and cropped knit jumper folded neatly on a chair.

“I think that can be arranged.” Roger grinned at you, and you were struck with yet another wave of disbelief. Roger Taylor was going to lend you come of his iconic clothes.

After spending a couple of hours going through Roger’s clothes, which was your absolute dream, you finally settled on a pair of pants that were a little too short, and a shirt that was slightly too tight across the chest. You tried to spice up the outfit with a few of Roger’s necklaces, much to his dismay.

“Do I look okay?” you asked when you stepped out, twirling around with your arms out.

Roger, standing with a pile of clothes in his arms that you had rejected, furrowed his brows and looked you up and down. You couldn’t help but stifle a giggle at the sight; he was taking his job as your stylist very seriously.

“You’ll almost fit in,” he said, “although, the shirt is too tight,” he finished bluntly, gesturing to your chest. You folded your arms instinctively.

“Don’t worry, I won’t look at your boobs.” You frowned at this. Was that meant to make you feel better? Why did you feel slightly disappointed?

“Um, thanks?” you scoffed. “What should I do with my hair?” you tugged on each of your French braids. Roger walked towards you without warning, and pulled out your hair ties, running his fingers through your hair.

“Just leave it loose.” He said hoarsely, his face dangerously close to yours. Your heart was beating rapidly, and you couldn’t take your eyes off him. He was biting his lip in concentration, his eyes squinting as he adjusted your hair. It took everything in you to not lean into his touch; his fingers were so delicate. As he pushed a strand of hair out of your face, his eyes met yours.

“Perfect,” he almost whispered, his breath sending shivers down your spine. You knew you should pull away. You knew this would get way too complicated. Your rationality was telling you to snap out of it. But as his hands smoothly came to rest around your neck, bringing you closer, something else entirely was driving your actions. Just as you began to lean in, he pulled away, clearing his throat loudly.

“Let me get you a coat,” he said, quickly rushing away from you. You bit your lip, cheeks flaming. You were humiliated. What were you thinking, trying to kiss him? He obviously wasn’t attracted to you; the weird, pathetic crazy time-traveller. You didn’t even belong here anyway, how could you possibly think he would want you? Your eyes began to well up, you just had to get out of there.

As you quickly began to gather your clothes and phone, furiously wiping the tears from your eyes, Roger returned with a fur coat in his arms.

“Here, this should fit – wait, what’s wrong?” he asked, realising your state.

“I’m just gonna go. I’m so sorry to have invaded your life like this, you shouldn’t have to deal with my weird ass problems. Thank you for everything. It was nice meeting you, I guess. I’ll never forget you,” you rambled, becoming increasingly embarrassed, trying to walk past him. He gently placed his hands on your upper arms, turning you to face him.

“Hey, hey, I don’t have to help you, okay? I want to. If you’ll let me.” he said, a surprisingly vulnerable look on his face.

“But, I’m burdening you too much! You can’t have me holding you back from living your normal life. You don’t want me clinging to your side like some kind of….” You paused, struggling to find the right words in your frazzled state. “Some kind of leech. I mean, I’m just annoying. For God’s sake, we have nothing in common! I’m technically young enough to be your daughter!”

Roger laughed softly. “Okay, first of all, you’re not a leech. And yes, it’s weird that you’re from the future, and I’ll probably never wrap my head around it, but so what? We shouldn’t get along, but we do.” You hoped he couldn’t notice your blush at this.

“And, lastly,” he said, a cheeky smirk on his face, “the thought of you being my daughter is gross, but me being your daddy on the other hand…”

“Oh my god, Roger! No!” you couldn’t help but laugh, as you rapidly shook your head. You couldn’t tell if he was joking or not; you secretly hoped he wasn’t.

“So, do you still wanna come to rehearsal?” he asked, all joking aside.

You sighed, hoping you weren’t being a burden. “Okay, give me that then,” you grabbed the coat off him, pulling it on.

“Do I look normal?” you asked.

“No,” he smirked, and you raised your eyebrows at him. “In a good way, though. Come on,” he said, grabbing your hand. You tried to ignore the jolts of electricity you felt from this sweet gesture. You never thought simply holding hands with someone would give you so many butterflies.

#roger taylor x reader #roger taylor #queen #queen band #ben hardy #ben hardy x reader #brian may #freddie mercury #john deacon #queen imagine #fanfic #queen fanfic

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oscopelabs · 6 years ago

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Elvis, Truelove and the Stolen Boy: The Tragic Machismo of Nick Cassavetes’ ‘Alpha Dog’ by Amy Nicholson

[Last year, Musings paid homage to Produced and Abandoned: The Best Films You’ve Never Seen, a review anthology from the National Society of Film Critics that championed studio orphans from the ‘70s and ‘80s. In the days before the Internet, young cinephiles like myself relied on reference books and anthologies to lead us to films we might not have discovered otherwise. Released in 1990, Produced and Abandoned was a foundational piece of work, introducing me to such wonders as Cutter’s Way, Lost in America, High Tide, Choose Me, Housekeeping, and Fat City. (You can find the full list of entries here.) Our first round of Produced and Abandoned essays included Angelica Jade Bastién on By the Sea, Mike D’Angelo on The Counselor, Judy Berman on Velvet Goldmine, and Keith Phipps on O.C. and Stiggs. Today, Musings concludes our month-long round of essays about tarnished gems, in the hope they’ll get a second look. Or, more likely, a first. —Scott Tobias, editor.]

A decade before the presidency that elevated insults like “betacuck” and “soyboy” into political discourse, Nick Cassavetes made Alpha Dog, a cautionary tragedy about masculinity that audiences ignored. Time for a reappraisal. Alpha Dog is about a real murder. Over a three-day weekend in August of 2000, 15-year-old Zach Mazursky—in reality, named Nicholas Markowitz—is kidnapped and killed by the posse of 20-year-old San Fernando Valley drug dealer Johnny Truelove (Emile Hirsch) with a grudge against Zach’s older brother. No one thought the boy would die, not his main babysitter Frankie (Justin Timberlake), not the girls invited to party with “Stolen Boy,” and not even the boy himself, played with naive perfection by Anton Yelchin, who played video games and pounded beers assuming that his new captor-friends would eventually take him home.

Cassavetes’ daughter went to the same high school as Nicholas Markowitz. The murderers were neighborhood kids and he wanted to understand how fortunate sons with their whole lives ahead of them wound up in prison. The trigger man, Ryan Hoyt—“Elvis” in the film—had never even gotten a speeding ticket. Prosecutor Ron Zonen hoped the publicity around Alpha Dog would help the public spot the real-life Johnny, named Jesse James Hollywood, who was still on the lam despite being one of America’s Most Wanted. So the lawyers gave Cassavetes access to everything: crime scene photos, trial transcripts, psychological profiles, police reports, and their permission to contact the criminals and their parents. Cassavetes even took his actors to meet their counterparts, driving Justin Timberlake to a maximum security prison to get the vibe of the actual Frankie, and introducing Sharon Stone to Nicholas Markowitz’s mother, a broken woman who attempted suicide a dozen times in the years after her son's death.

Alpha Dog, pronounced Cassavetes, was “95 percent accurate.” Which was part of why it got buried, thanks to Jesse James Hollywood’s arrest just weeks after the film wrapped. Cassavetes hastily wrote a new ending to the movie, but his problems were just beginning. Hollywood’s lawyers insisted Alpha Dog would prevent their client from getting a fair trial, and used the threat of a mistrial to force Zonen off the case. “I don't know what Zonen was thinking, handing over the files,” gloated Hollywood’s defense team. “It was stupid.”

The publicity, and the delays, dragged out the pain for Markowitz’s family, especially when they heard Cassavetes had paid Hollywood’s father an, er, consulting fee. “Where is the justice in that?” asked the victim's brother. “This just goes on and on, and I’m spending my whole life in a courtroom.”

The film, too, was pushed back a year from its Sundance premiere. Despite casting a visionary young ensemble—Alpha Dog was my own introduction to Yelchin, Ben Foster, Olivia Wilde, Amanda Seyfried, Amber Heard, and the realization that Timberlake, that kid from N*SYNC, could actually act—no one noticed when it slid into theaters in January of 2007. It wasn’t just the bad press. It was that audiences couldn’t get past that Cassavetes’ last film was The Notebook. No way could the guy behind the biggest romantic weepy of a generation make something raw and cool.

But he had. Alpha Dog is a stunning movie about machismo and fate, two tag-team traits that destroy lives. Think Oedipus convincing himself he can outwit the oracle of Delphi. But Sophocles’ Oedipus telegraphs its intentions, elbowing the audience to see the end at the beginning. Greeks sitting down in 405 BC knew they were watching a tale that came full circle. Every step Oedipus takes away from his patricidal destiny just moves him closer to it.

If you map Alpha Dog’s script, instead of a loop, it looks like a horizontal line that plummets off a cliff. For most of its running time, Alpha Dog could pass for a coming-of-age flick where a sheltered kid with an over-protective mom (Sharon Stone) taps into his own self-confidence, right up until the scene where he tumbles into his own grave. Audiences who’d missed the news articles about the case weren’t clued into the climax. Cassavetes doesn’t offer any hints or flash-forwards, not even an ominous “based-on-a-true-story.” (The film might have been more successful if he had.) Instead, he lulls you into joining the kegger, watching Zach crack open beer after beer as though he expects to live forever. “There’s a movie sensibility that the film doesn’t conform to,” said Cassavetes. “You don’t watch this film. You endure it.”

As Zach, his eyes red-rimmed from bong rips, not tears, is shuttled between party dens and wealthy homes, he’s given several chances to escape. He’s even revealed to be a Tae Kwan Do blackbelt who can jokingly flip his captor-buddy Frankie (Justin Timberlake) into a bathtub. But Zach stays put—he doesn’t want to get his big brother Jake (Ben Foster) in more trouble, not realizing that Johnny is too busy making nervous phone calls to his lawyer and his aggro father Sonny (Bruce Willis) to get around to asking Jake for the $1200 in ransom money.

Zach’s death is disorienting, almost as if Psycho's Marion Crane got murdered in the second-to-last reel. In a minivan en route to his execution, he innocently tells Frankie he wants learn to play guitar. “It bugs me that I don’t know how to do anything,” he sighs. Meanwhile Johnny assures his dad that there’s no need to call off the killing. “These guys are such fuck-ups, nothing's gonna happen,” he shrugs, a rare example of cross-cutting that defuses tension in order to make the shock of the gunfire even worse. Up until the last second—even after Frankie binds him with duct tape—a sobbing Zach still can’t believe Frankie would hurt him, and honestly, Frankie can’t believe it himself. And Yelchin’s own early death makes you ache for him to get a happy ending, which Cassavetes dangles just out of reach.

This is how evil happens, says Cassavetes. Masterminds are rare. Instead, people like Frankie can be basically good, but can also be panicky and passive and selfish. Shoving Zach in Johnny’s van was an idiotic impulse by upper middle-class kids, who flipped out when they realized the snatching could get them a lifetime sentence. There’s no honor or glory in the violence. Johnny, the cowardly ringleader, talks tough, but orders his most craven friend, Elvis (Shawn Hatosy), to pull the trigger while he and his girlfriend Angela (Olivia Wilde) get drunk on margaritas. And after the murder, one side effect is that Johnny can’t get an erection. When Angela tries to get Johnny in the mood in their hideout motel, the walls close in on him, suffocating the mood.

Away from his boys, Johnny is weak. Surrounded by them, he's the king. Alpha Dog sets up a culture of animalistic dominance. Johnny’s rental house is basically a primate cage at the zoo, only decorated with weight benches and Scarface posters. All of Johnny’s boys jockey to be his favorite and tear each other down in order to bump up their own rank. Kindness is weakness. When a fellow dealer with the ridiculous nickname Bobby 911 cruises by to negotiate a sale, he snarls at a guy who vouches for him: “You don’t need to tell him I’m good for it, man!”

Elvis, the future shooter, is the lowest member of the pack. He can’t ease into the group without Johnny ordering him to go pick up his pit-bull's poop in the backyard. Why do they pick on Elvis? He owes Johnny a bit of money, but the source of the scorn is simply group think. No one wants to be nice to the outcast, and Elvis is just too sincere to be taken seriously. When Elvis offers to get Johnny a beer, the guys tease him for being in love with Johnny. When he says sure, he does care about Johnny, they twist words into a gay panic joke. Elvis can’t win—they won’t let him—so he literally kills to prove his worth, and winds up sentenced to death row, where the real boy, just 21 at the time of the shooting, remains today. Another life wasted.

Cassavetes humanizes the killers because he wants us to understand how their micro decisions add up to murder. Not just the gunmen. Everyone’s a little to blame. The kids who got drunk with “Stolen Boy” and didn’t call the police. The girls who told Zach that being kidnapped made him sexy. Even Zach’s older step-brother Jake, an addict with a twitchy temper who escalates his war with Johnny to a fatal breaking point. Neither boy will back down over a $1200 debt, and there’s an awful split screen call when Johnny dials Jake intending to bring Zach home, but Jake is so boiling over with anger, his Bugs Bunny voice shrieking with outrage, that Johnny just hangs up the phone.

The opening credits, a montage of the cast’s own old home videos, underline that these were young and happy children—the kind of kids people point to as examples of the suburban American ideal. Over a treacly cover of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” we watch these real life boys being cultured to be brave: riding bikes, falling off dive-boards, running around with toy guns, going through the rituals of young manhood, from bar mitzvahs to karate lessons. Yelchin—recognizably dark-eyed and solemn even as a toddler—grins wearing plastic vampire teeth.

It takes another ten minutes for Yelchin’s character to sneak into the film sideways in a profile shot eating dinner with his parents, played by Sharon Stone and David Thornton. His Zach is barely even visible as brash Jake barges into the scene to beg for money. They say no, Jake stomps out, and Zach finally makes himself seen when he runs after his brother, begging to go anywhere less suffocating. Zach’s mom loves him so much that she watches him sleep. “I’m not fucking eight!” he yelps. He’s 15—practically a man, in his own imagination—and desperate to get away, even if it means mimicking Jake, a Jewish kid who’s so scrambled that he has a Hebrew tattoo on his clavicle and a swastika inked on his back. Jake starts to say that he wishes his own mom cared about him that much, but as soon as he gets vulnerable, he spins the moment into a joke. “Boo for me,” Jake grins, and takes another swig of beer.

“You could say it’s about drugs or guns or disaffected youth, but this whole thing is about parenting,” grunts Bruce Willis’ Sonny Truelove. “It’s about taking care of your children. You take care of yours, I take care of mine.” He’s half-right—his parenting is half to blame. Sonny and his best friend Cosmo (Harry Dean Stanton) taught Johnny to bully his friends. Cosmo, looking haggard and hollow, mocks Johnny for having one girlfriend. “You gotta plow some fucking fields,” he bellows. “Men are not supposed to be monopolous!” Not that “monopolous” is a real word, and not that Cosmo fends off women himself, except in his own big talk.

Cosmo and Sonny’s own posturing gradually emerges as being more dangerous than Johnny’s because it's more integrated into society. They’re the type of creeps who rewrite the rulebook to suit them, and attack journalists who try to tell the truth. When a fictitious documentarian asks Sonny about his son's drug connections, the father shrugs, “Did he sell a little weed? Sure.” But when the interviewer presses him further, Sonny snaps, “I’m a taxpayer and I’m a citizen and you are a jerk-off.”

Cassavetes, of course, understands growing up with a father who left a giant footprint to fill. His father, John Cassavetes, the writer-director of Shadows and Faces and A Woman Under the Influence, was one of the major pioneers of independent cinema. He died when Nick was 30, before his son attempted to take up his legacy. “We never really talked film theory,” said Cassavetes. “My experience with my dad was more along the lines of how to be a man, how to be yourself, how to free yourself from what society tells you to do, how to release yourself as an artist.”

It makes sense that Cassavetes would make his own ambitious, and maddeningly singular film. And perhaps it even makes sense to him that fate has yet to give him the reward he’s earned. Alpha Dog deserves to be acknowledged as one of the most incisive examinations of machismo and the banality of evil. But like his fumbling criminals, he knows he’s not really in charge of his life. Admitted Cassavetes, “I'm not smart enough to really have a master plan for my career.”

#alpha dog #alpha dog movie #nick cassavetes #john cassavetes #justin timberlake #emile hirsch #ben foster #amanda seyfried #olivia wilde #Nicholas Markowitz #Bruce Willis #Harry Dean Stanton #Oscilloscope Laboratories #O-Scope #musings #film writing

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starcityhq · 6 years ago

Photo

The streets are dark and empty. No one goes outside anymore. Everyone is afraid. NOVA agents prowl the streets at night—people say they abduct innocent citizens for information or leverage. People say they shoot first and ask questions later. The jackboots on the street is a familiar sound for everyone. Helicopters fly overhead with their spotlights, waiting to catch someone. People have been going to prison and disappearing. Everyone is afraid. Mutants and metahumans are being hunted. Heroes and vigilantes are being forced underground. No one is safe.

At last, it’s here! The plot drop we’ve all been waiting for—the announcement of season 2! There are going to be a few new things under the cut so we want to make sure that you guys are aware of some cool stuff we’re introducing!

Under the cut you will find a timeline of major events, starting with events that happened in game over the past two years and going through the two month time-skip. With the two-month time skip, a lot of new IC rules have been put in place and with some of them, there are ways for admins to get characters in trouble for breaking them! Any IC consequences are completely optional and will always be plotted out with the players before anything happens. This is just a fun way for the characters to get more interaction with the world at large in the game!

Thank you all for being so supportive all this time—this wouldn’t have been possible without our amazing members!

Now, without further ado, SEASON 2!

[ APRIL 8, 2017 ] — In honor of the ban’s success, the mayor invited every citizen to attend Star City’s annual masquerade, where there would be burning of vigilante, mutant, and metahuman memorabilia. During a power outage, the mayor was assassinated, rounds were fired, and the memorabilia was stolen.

[ JULY 15, 2017 ] — David Booth, mutant and victim of a suspected hate crime, passes away in the hospital after being attacked outside his apartment.

[ JULY 16, 2017 ] — News Channel 7′s broadcast signal is hijacked by the Joker. Magneto makes a speech to all mutants in Star City, encouraging them to stand up and fight alongside him. Mass riots follow the speech.

[ JULY 17, 2017 ] — Malcolm Brown, mutant activist and lawyer, is shot to death minutes before giving a speech against a mutant registry. Demonstrations continue throughout the city and many arrests are made. The interim mayor declares martial law and the National Guard arrives. Protests grow more violent and teargas is deployed. The National Guard is eventually able to disperse rioters and take back control of the streets.

[ SEPTEMBER 21, 2017 ] — The interim mayor arranges a charity ball and a silent auction, where all proceeds will be donated to mutant rights, in order to quell recent tensions. Citizens are encouraged to adopt a peaceful approach to change. While the charity ball is a success, many attendees return home to find their homes destroyed with inhuman force and hateful, threatening messages telling them to leave the city.

[ JANUARY 19, 2018 ] — The villains take advantage of the city’s recent vulnerability by choosing one night to wreck havoc. The interim mayor has taken a decisive stand against mutants since the break-in and is assassinated - presumably by Magneto - in front of a crowd. Joker and Harley abduct dozens of school buses and hold Barbara Gordon hostage to lure Batman to them. Star City thieves, including Selina Kyle and Dani Moreno, end up taking hostages during a high stakes robbery, and Harvey Dent and June Moone’s highly publicized and glamorous wedding is interrupted by the literal walking dead.

[ APRIL 18, 2018 ] — The seventh anniversary of the ban is celebrated in the historic Apollo Ballroom. When the new interim mayor declares the intention to move forward with a mandatory mutant/vigilante/metahuman registry, the protest outside intensifies. Just when it seems the situation has reached its peak, the ballroom doors slam shut and lock. Joker venom pours through the vents and the toxin takes effect. Some people become violent, others are unable to stop laughing, and the interim mayor is swiftly killed. Outside, Harley Quinn releases her hyenas and they attack. She is arrested, but Joker escapes. As people recover, Harvey Dent takes the stage and announces his candidacy for mayor, pledging to do what he can to stop the formation of a registry.

[ JULY 6, 2018 ] — There is a massive security breach at Star City Asylum and Tarasov Penitentiary, resulting in dozens of escaped prisoners. The newly formed Justice League and Teen Titans are the first to respond and contain the situation, but not before the escapees wreck havoc throughout the city. Despite efforts, some prisoners remain unaccounted for - most notably Harley Quinn and Jonny Frost.

[ SEPTEMBER 14, 2018 ] — While the most powerful mutants have left the city to eliminate a branch of HIVE, Star City has received a bomb threat. Evacuations are ordered immediately and citizens race to the bridge, not realizing that the bridge is the target. Casualties rise into the hundreds.

[ OCTOBER 16, 2018 ] — The time has come for the city to choose its new mayor and Harvey Dent is the victor by a landslide.

[ NOVEMBER 13, 2018 ] — Newspaper offices, including the Gazette, are set on fire during business hours, leaving some trapped inside. The arsonists have not been found.

[ NOVEMBER 14, 2018 ] — Local mutant shelter and clinic is raided and there are four arrests, including mutants Josh Foley and Laura Kinney.

[ NOVEMBER 15, 2018 ] — Star City Children’s Hospitals that will not admit mutants report a mysterious illness rapidly spreading throughout the wards. That same day, the National Oversight and Validation Association (NOVA) is formed. The purpose of the organization is to oversee and validate all mutant, metahuman, hero and vigilante actions in the country through patrol groups.

[ NOVEMBER 16, 2018 ] — A curfew is established in Star City. Residents must be indoors by 10 PM unless proper documentation is provided for a resident to be out after 10.

OOC RULE: The admins will be watching threads to see which ones are taking place after curfew—make sure to label the time of day somewhere in your thread!—and we will use a randomizer to select a thread for the characters to get caught. Consequences after that will be plotted with the players!

[ NOVEMBER 22, 2018 ] — A blanket ban on weapons (including guns, knives, swords, batons, nunchucks, and others) has been imposed in Star City. The only people allowed to carry weapons are members of law enforcement.

OOC RULE: The admins will keep track of threads where a character is in possession of a weapon. Simply having the weapon will result in a single strike added to the character’s record. If the character uses the weapon, they get two. Once a character gets to ten strikes, the character gets caught.

[ NOVEMBER 25, 2018 ] — A city ordinance allows any business to refuse service to any mutant or metahuman at their discretion.

[ NOVEMBER 30, 2018 ] — Anyone can be stopped and searched without probably cause in Star City. All law enforcement officials now carry power-dampening devices.

[ DECEMBER 2, 2018 ] — A new law allows for wiretaps on normal citizens. All online and phone activity can be monitored.

OOC RULE: The admins will keep track of any phone threads on the dash. If the characters are speaking about something illegal in game, the characters get a strike. Once a character gets ten strikes, they get caught.

[ DECEMBER 5, 2018 ] — The printing of pro-mutant, -metahuman, -vigilante or -hero materials is strictly forbidden.

[ DECEMBER 12, 2018 ] — NOVA agents have been authorized to use deadly force against anyone who resists.

[ DECEMBER 15, 2018 ] — Leaving the Star City limits requires special permission. Road blocks have been set up at the main points of egress.

OOC RULE: There are a number of secret ways to get out of Star City, but many of these are monitored. Any threads the admins see with characters leaving the city limits could potentially result in those characters being caught.

[ DECEMBER 20, 2018 ] — Mutants and metahumans are required to relocate to appropriate neighborhoods. Any powered individual found residing outside of these neighborhoods will be fined heavily and potentially arrested unless they find suitable arrangements.

[ DECEMBER 25, 2018 ] — Starting on January 1st, there is a mandatory broadcast by the president every night at 6 pm. Residents are expected to watch. After this broadcast every night, all TV channels and streaming services are shut down for the night.

[ JANUARY 1, 2019 ] — In-game date at the time of this posting. NOTE: Star City HQ is set in real time.

#starccountdown #starcevent #starcadmin #starcstarter #starcstartercall #[ save ]

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useyourrwords · 6 years ago

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January in Review // I Cried, Laughed, Ate Pasta, Celebrated My Birthday & Completed TWO Read-A-Thons/Challenges

January was…A lot.

This past month has been crazy, to say the least. A lot of highs and a lot of lows but I’m getting through it so that’s something!

January contained so much in such a short time that I still can’t believe it’s over!

January’s TBR

Guys, I completed not one, but two read-a-thon/challenges this month! For someone who hasn’t participated in any before I count that as a double win!

I participated in the Late-A-Thon hosted by Destiny @ Howling Libraries and JanJamJar from the Devour Your TBR Goodreads group!

I was able to combine them both by using a TBR jar with the ARCs I wanted to catch up on in it.

So the books I put in my January TBR are all the books I put in the Jar.

I didn’t get all of them but I didn’t expect to.

│The Good Son│

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│My Name is Victoria│

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│Skylarks│

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│Anger is a Gift│

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│The Unbinding of Mary Reade│

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│Rad Girls Can│

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│The Boneless Mercies│

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│What If It’s Us│

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│Girls of Paper and Fire│

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Read

Emoji order – format-representation-challenges/readathons-reading status.

The TBR Jar really worked in my favour! And it was great catching up on so many ARCS!

Each book I pulled out came at the right time and I think I might continue with the Jar until I’ve caught up on the ARC’s I have left from 2018.

│The Unbinding of Mary Reade│

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│★★│Read Jan 8│

This one was fairly disappointing. I wanted a whole lot more than it had to give.

│My Name is Victoria│Lucy Worsley│

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│★★★│Read Jan 11│

I actually really liked the twist in this but god damn was most of it boring.

│The Good Son│You-Jeong Jeong│

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│★★★│Read Jan 25│

I—this just wasn’t great and it mostly just made me angry.

│Unbroken│Marieke Nijkamp│

│

I nearly finished this before the month was up but not quite.

│The Boneless Mercies│April Genevieve Tucholke│

│

This has been decent enough so far but I’m waiting for more.

Book of the Month

│Girls of Paper and Fire│Girls of Paper and Fire #1│Natasha Ngan│

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│★★★★│Read Jan 21│

I loved it! It was so engaging for the most part!

│January Completed│ARC: 4│Owned: 0│Library Loans: 0│Reread: 0│Diversity: 4│Average Rating: 3★’s│

Haul

│Vengeful│Villains│VE Schwab│

│

Nearly didn’t get this one because I accidentally sent it to the wrong address but I visited my neighbour and I got it!

This was a late Christmas present to myself!

│P.S. I Still Love You│To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before│Jenny Han│

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│Always and Forever, Lara Jean│To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before│Jenny Han│

│

These were birthday presents to myself!

Past Grey Reads

Book Review // Girl Made of Stars – I Am Broken

Book Review // Everything Leads To You – A Quite Love Story

Book Review // The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo – What Do You Mean She’s Not a Real Person???

Film & TV

I’ve really not watched much at all because I just don’t have time! Or money!

I decided that the season 1 watch I did of Charmed was enough to give me the hit of nostalgia that I needed so I won’t be continuing it again anytime soon! I do want to get around to watching the remake soon though!

January’s TBW

│Mary Queen of Scots│

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│How To Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World│

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│Ralph Breaks the Internet│

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│Charmed│

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Watched

│Mary Queen of Scots│

│2018│

Josie Rourke│

Saoirse Ronan, Margot Robbie, Jack Lowden│★★★★★│ Fave Part: Literally all of it, it was so well done. And I loved that they portrayed Mary and Elizabeth as two women pitted against each other by the men around them.

I won tickets to see this at my local cinema so me and mum went and it was fucking brilliant!

│Hannibal│Season 2│

│2013│

Bryan Fuller│

Hugh Dancy, Mads Mikkelsen, Caroline Dhavernas│★★★★│ Fave Part: The fact it’s gotten more and more homoerotic.

I watched the same four episodes about four times each because I needed a fucking break but was being stubborn.

Also, my coworker had time to rewatch every episode in the time it took me to watch those four properly. She has work AND Uni. I have no idea how she has time to do it???

│Drag Race All Stars│Season 4│

│2012│

RuPaul│

RuPaul, Michelle Visage│★★★★│ Fave One-liner This Season: “Yeah, well some of us don’t have to force story-lines to get air time” -Farrah Moan.

Valentina has continued to live her full telenovela fantasy and it’s entertaining as fuck.

The judges need to stop sleeping on Naomi because the bitch is turning it out and they’re refusing to take notice… Except for maybe last week….But we don’t talk about that.

Manila is killing it as always and the period gown that she couldn’t wear on the show??? Iconic.

Also, I’m very excited to see Season 11!!!! So many queens that I’m looking forward to seeing!

│Jessica Jones│Season 1│

│2015│

Melissa Rosenberg│

Krysten Ritter, Rachael Taylor, Eka Darville│★★★★│ Fave character: Jessica obvs

I am struggling but only because the only time I have time to watch is when I’m fucking tired and ready for sleep. I’ll get there.

│Dumplin’│

│2018│

Anne Fletcher│

Danielle Macdonald, Jennifer Aniston, Odeya Rush│★★★★★│ Fave part: The fact Bo didn’t like Will despite her being fat, he thought she was beautiful as is.

This so easily could have been terrible and you literally just have to look to last year to see just how easy it would have been but this was so good and special and respectful and I cried so much while watching it and fucking Ginger Minj was everything and this is everything I wanted Sierra Burgess is a Loser to be and I’m so glad I finally got it.

Also, I have a huge crush on Bex Taylor-Klaus. So there’s that.

│Derry Girls│Season 1│

│2017│

Lisa McGee│

Saoirse-Monica Jackson, Louisa Harland, Nicola Coughlan│★★★★│ Fave character: Orla

This show is so fucking funny. I was struggling not to laugh out loud while my mum was giving someone a massage.

│The Haunting of Hill House│Season 1│

│2018│

Mike Flanagan│

Michiel Huisman, Carla Gugino, Henry Thomas│★★★★★│ Fave sibling: Theo

This show is brilliant like everyone talked about how good it was but I just didn’t have time and then I put it on one night and didn’t pay any attention to it at all. And then I put it on when I had a self-imposed mental health day and mum watched it with me and it was the best decision I’ve made in 2019 so far, to be honest.

I binged watched it in just three days which is huge for me because I haven’t been able to binge watch anything that isn’t just short 20 minute episodes in short season in months.

Oh, and I want Theo to top me.

Youtube

I would say I need to stop watching YouTube because I watch so fucking much of it but I watch it while I’m doing other things like eating, doing housework, cooking and blogging. It’s the only way I can watch it without feeling guilty.

│VH1│Meet the Queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 11│The Pit Stop: LaLaPaRUza w/ Katya│The Pit Stop: Jersey Justice ft. Kim Chi│

I am so ready for the new season!!!

Also, I love anything Katya and Trixie do.

And look at Kim Chi’s look, I die.

│Miz Cracker│Review With A Jew│

Review With A Jew has gotten PROFESSIONAL now and I just love Miz Cracker.

│Ladylike│Hot Takes—Jen Reveals Her Unpopular Opinion & Devin Reveals Her Unpopular Opinion│Kristen Goes to Montreal With No Clothes│

I am loving these hot takes because they’re just fun to watch and see the other ladies react as well!

I think the whole trip with no clothes challenge is a brilliant idea!!!

│Lily Marston│My Friends & I Read Your Assumptions About Me│15 Tools That Help My Neck & Back Pain│

I think the assumptions video trend is actually really a good idea because it allows creators to share a little bit more of themselves!

if you have chronic pain you’re gonna want to check out Lily’s video on the tools she uses to get relief!

│Buzzfeed Video│Mom In Progress—We Tried the 7-Day Vegan Challenge│

So in this video, they eat vegan cream cheese on toast with raspberries and it looked so delicious that I wanted to try it with other toppings. So now mum and I are obsessed with cream cheese and pepper smoked salmon on toast and I can’t stop.

Other toppings I’ve tried are;

Mango and raspberry jam (because raspberries are pricey)

Salami

Tomatoes (with salt and loads of pepper)

Shaved chicken (with salt and loads of pepper)

And next to try is peaches!

│Liza Koshy Too│The videos I never uploaded… until now│Why I took a break│

I love Liza and I love that she’s easing herself back into making videos again and so far I’ve loved them both!

│Chris Klemens│Telling Each Other What to Say to Strangers: Carly and Erin│

You need to watch this just to see Carly speak gibberish which honestly sounds like Simish and really did sound almost like another legit language.

│Sorted Food│Pass It On│

I will never not love this series. It’s YouTube whispers but cooking a meal.

│ElleOfTheMills│My Weight Loss│

I love anytime some talks openly about mental health and Elle is really delivering lately!

Music

I’ve honestly barely listened to any music this month let alone any new music.

│Camila Cabello│Something’s Gotta Give│Inside Out│In the Dark│

│Madison Beer│Dead│

│The Greatest Showman Reimagined│Never Enough (Kelly Clarkson)│This Is Me (Kesha)│Rewrite the Stars (James Arthur & Anne-Marie)│

Podcasts

│Race Chaser│

Alaska Thunderfuck & Willam Belli│★★★★★│

│Sibling Rivalry│

Bob The Drag Queen & Monet X Change│★★★★★│

│What The Tuck│

Nicole Byers & Joel Kim Booster│★★★★★│

I don’t know how to not become obsessed with things and apparently, that means listening to all the podcasts to get the backstage Tea on All-Stars 4.

Past Grey Watches

Grey Watches // I Wanna Bone Jude Law and Kate Winslet – The Holiday

Grey Watches // It Has To Be A Shit Show – A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding

Grey Watches // I Hate It So Much I Love It – A Christmas Prince

Blogosphere Highlights

│Krystin @ Here’s The Fucking Twist│ Top Ten: Mystery and Thriller Releases for Q1 2019!│

│Destiny @ Howling Libraries│BEST OF 2018: CONTEMPORARY!│

│Elise @ The Bookish Actress│ANOTHER 2018 FAVE, FINALLY REVIEWED! SAWKILL GIRLS BY CLAIRE LEGRAND│

│May @ Forever And Everly│My Most Anticipated YA Books Releasing January through July ft. a Lot of Asian Fantasies and Diverse Books in General!│

│Ellyn @Allonsythornraxxbooks│ HOW TO GET ON TOP OF YOUR NETGALLEY FEEDBACK RATIO│

│Silvia @Silvia Reads Books│All I Learned About Audiobooks: A Guide│

│Avery @Red Rocket Panda│HOW TO HYPE YOUR FAVOURITE READS│

│Abbiee @Abbiee│WRITING TIPS Transform a Messy Story Idea Into a Strong Outline (in 3 simple steps!)│

│Ilsa @A Whisper of Ink│How the HECK does one receive a physical ARC because I want one?! (I hear your cries and answer all your questions) Welcome to How To Request + Recieve ARCs│

│Simone @Simone and Her Books│My Review Process and Why I Write Reviews│

│Swetlana @The Caffeinated Bookworm Life│16 Blog Post Ideas To Help You Get Through (AT LEAST) A Month Of Blogging│

│Melanie @Mel To The Any│The Top 12 Books I Must Read in 2019│

Past Month In Review

Month in Review // Christmas is Over Thank Fuck – December

Month in Review // November – I Already Hate Christmas

Month in Review // July, August, September & October – New Post Series!

January’s Goals

Increase my walk time and maybe go for walks 6 days a week?

Start doing some floor exercises like crunches.

I need an exercise ball which I have but I don’t know where the pump is and I keep forgetting to ask mum where it is.

Read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Work out my new blogging schedule

Start working on my WIP

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

Fucking relax a bit

Maybe finish editing all my past posts???

A Month of Mayhem

I spent my birthday out!!! My mum took me to get my hair cut, we did some shopping, she gave me a massage and some Reiki which I needed!!! And then we went to Fasta Pasta for dinner and it was delicious!!! Oh and I even took photos with mum and didn’t feel gross and have a new selfie I took with snapchat with the fox filter and I think it’s v cute!!!

The last few years I’ve always gotten books as presents for my birthday but mum told me I had too many unread books so I had to choose something else…So I chose things for my reading! Because of course.

I got a pair of noise-cancelling headphones so that I can continue to read or blog or write uninterrupted instead of getting distracted every time mum’s massage clients come and go. Except mum keeps forgetting to check if I have them on before she goes to have a full conversation with me. So when I realise she’s doing it I just turn and look at her and she notices the headphones. I’ve taken to moving one of the earphones off my ear when I notice she’s in the living room but I don’t always notice.

My mum also got me my first book sleeve from Etsy! I spent hours finding one I wanted that wasn’t super expensive but good quality! It’s spacey and I love it. It’s great timing since I’m going to be reading more of my owned physical books this year and I don’t want them to get damaged by the three drink bottles in my bag for work YES THREE!!! and two are 1-litre ones and my bag is heavy. I HAVE MY REASONS!!!

I also bought myself far too many animated movies, some books, a curler, some hair products so I can use the curler I have still not used any of it yet shhhh, and a fitbit!!!!

I mean the fitbit was definitely the most needed one for sure because now I can actually track how many steps I’m doing a day and I’ve been doing pretty good! I’m hitting 8000 steps most days and even hit my first 10000 steps on the 16th which was exciting!

I went and did my tax finally and now my tax debt thanks work for not taking the correct amount of tax out for several years! is down to a very manageable amount! So that’s a relief!

My sister brought my nephews around for a visit and nephew 3 nearly got bit by a spider but nephew 2 saved the day! Other than that the visit was good! I love them so much and Nephew 3 is starting to walk!!!

My mum treated me to get my nails done professionally for the first time ever and I love them. My nails look like bullets.

I discovered where I could buy cheap hazelnut syrup for my coffee and then when I went to buy it saw they also have dark chocolate syrup as well so basically I’m just drinking liquid Nutella.

And I have officially been on this blog for a year!!! I’m so thankful for this community and even just this blog being a lifeline and a thing to focus my attention on when things have been shit in my personal life. I’m so glad I can call myself a part of this community and I look forward to many more years being a part of it!

I lost my bank card while doing my food shopping which was not great and very inconvenient since a lot of the parking I pay for work is cheaper booking online! But whatever.

I had a few emotional moments throughout the month but it was mostly just me having a little cry and then moving on.

I visited my other sister which kind of didn’t go great, to begin with. There was a whole thing, I had an anxiety attack and suffered a bout of paranoia and cried a lot but it all worked out in the end.

Once I calmed down we went to get my phone upgraded (this was already the plan) because I am anxious, my mum is busy, and my sister knows a guy that works there so I got well looked after! But then I had to go back another day because they didn’t have the phone that I wanted in stock.

We came back to her house and played Overcooked on the PlayStation which is always fun for us and I was in much better spirits when I left!

Until the next day when I was a mess again.

Look, I’m really great at handling big life-changing things as they’re happening. It’s a trait I inherited from my mum. The whole world as we know it could end and it wouldn’t look like I even knew something had changed.

It’s like my brain will just put the BIG THING in a box and shove it under a few things until I’ve gotten through it and then it’ll bring it out and say “Remember this BIG THING??? Yeah, now you gotta process it. Have fun.” Which is great until there are several BIG THINGS waiting to be processed and then I get hit with them all at once, which happens most of the time.

So then I break down over seemingly small shit. Its very clearly SO MUCH FUN!!!

So basically I spent that whole day crying and anxious and paranoid and had to call my mum to help calm me down and then my new phone was ready to be picked up and I didn’t want to bother my sister to go with me and I knew I needed to do something on my own to prove to myself I’m not totally useless so I went and picked up my phone by myself! Thankfully the hard part was over I am an absolute pushover and will be talked into buying anything even if I don’t want it so I just had to go in, they transferred my stuff over to the new phone and I was done!

It went well, despite the fact that the guy was having difficulty transferring my stuff over but I think he was a little unnerved by how quiet I am in person and especially with people I don’t really know, and I hate being THAT customer so I tend to just sit patiently and try and get my brain to shut up.

He kept commenting on how quiet and patient I was and trying to get me to talk but I hate small talk because I never know what to say. When we were finished he said he hopes I’ll become a regular customer and if I have any problems to come in and he’ll help me out!

I also made an appointment that day to get my mental health plan done so I can go back to seeing my therapist which, clearly, I super need!!!

Oh, and I also even mentioned to someone I know from my last workplace that I’ve been wanting to learn how to play d&d but didn’t have anyone to teach me and she said that if a spot opened up on a campaign she’d let me know!!!!

At the end of the month, I took a mental health day with my mum. We stayed home all day and did the bare minimum and it was so good! I sat and watched the Derry Girls and then mum and I watched half of The Haunting of Hill House and we talked about what anxiety and depression and paranoia sound like in our head and talked a lot about mental health and it was just really lovely even though it was emotional and I cried.

I know it kind of sounds like this month was a bit of a downer but overall it really wasn’t and it also didn’t feel like that. For the most part, I was happy and motivated and got a good amount of reading done and was productive! I even cleaned out my car!

Sometimes it’s easy for me to focus on just the negatives but I have to remind myself that even though I had some downer moments I am nowhere near as consistently down as I was just a few months ago and that’s progress! I just have to keep focusing on my health, both physical and mental and talking to my mum when I’m sad and talking through my feelings. I say that like it’s the easiest thing in the world when I am in fact Queen Of Not Reaching Out.

Past Month Ahead

Month Ahead // Happy Birthday To Me + Hiatus Announcement – January

Month Ahead // December – I Already Hate It

Month Ahead // November – New Post Series